SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

this is a very good book by Melody Beattie- its for adult children of alcoholics and anyone else who feels like they are to blame for everything- its a good book and totally not what i expected

I agree Grace.

I found myself asking myself why some of it applied to me, but in the end gave me a very good understanding of why I did and behaved the way I did.

It helped me to see how I was always making choices that ultimately hurt me, and how to stop doing that, and become a strong person who didn't need anyone else to be happy. To feel ok with living my life for me first.

I'm in the middle of this book right now. What I struggle with is taking care of myself and doing things for me now, when all I've known is people telling me what to do (childhood), then me taking care of others (husband).

I always feel guilty for everything even when its not my fault. Alot of that comes from my childhood. My mother always blamed or accused me. Most of the time i hadnt done what she was blaming me for. So i have this neverending guilt for everything. I understand i am codependent but i struggle with how to cope. I just take each day as it comes the best i can and try to anaylze each situation before i decide what to do- the codependent side of me wants to fix everything and the other side of me wants to step back and made a non emotional decision. Its like tug of war with myself, always wondering if its the right decision. My codependency is probably the reason i havent left my SA husband yet.

puregrace - Overcoming habits, especially those we learned as children, is really hard. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge a short-coming (co-dependence) and trying to correct it (reading Co-Dependent No More and posting on SI).

I always want to fix everything too, but I'm trying to keep in mind that 1) Mistakes aren't the end of the world and 2) Learning from mistakes is far more meaningful and important. So sometimes it's okay to let the cards fall where they may and let others learn, even if it could be been prevented (I don't have kids but maybe this is good to keep in mind with kids so they can become independent).

I just have to keep reminding myself that I have to take care of me, I have to take care of me. Because, supposedly, everyone else is busy taking care of themselves, so I have to take care of me. And the world still works, it's not like if I'm taking care of me then nothing gets done, but maybe I have to be more flexible or assertive.