SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm looking for a book about boundaries. My spouse and I never really discussed them. I want to be able to either reconcile with him or someday enter a new relationship with a strong sense of boundaries for me and boundaries I expect a partner to follow. I hope I'm explaining this right. I've heard of the Henry Cloud one, but I'd prefer a secular book rather than one with a religious bent (although if the best material out there is from a religious source I will still read it).

Not just friends, by Shirley Glass is often suggested here, and probably the best one I've read thus far.

Thanks, Chilli. I didn't realize it also had stuff on boundaries in it. I'll take a look.

I'm currently reading Boundaries in Marriage and yes it has some bible references, but it does not deter from the message (I skip through the paragraph that will reference the bible phrase and it has no bearing on the meaning)

It is a good read and has great strategies.

Thanks, UQer. It is good to hear that it isn't heavy-handed with the religious message. It might be worth looking at.

While not specifically about boundaries, I recommend John Gottman's "The Relationship Cure". It was originally suggested by my dd's therapist to read together and discuss communication and bonding methods in all relationships - our parent-child, but also friends and married couples.

WH, who has poor boundaries and uses a friendly-flirty style of interaction to compensate for social anxiety picked it up a month ago. He's found it helpful to read about and reflect on actions that lead to and reinforce bonding and has pointed out he needs to modify those steps depending on the people he's with (duh).

It's been a few years so I'm considering rereading it. Kind of a backdoor approach to boundaries but whatever gets one there, right?

While I agree that Shirly Glass' "Not Just Friends" is probably still the best book on infidelity out there, it's not too heavy on boundary issues in particular Instead, it gives a nice balance of all aspects of infidelity.

A really great book specifically on boundaries and how to establish them is "Chatting Or Cheating" by Sheri Meyers. Although the title might imply that it leans more heavily toward internet affairs via "chatting", it does not. I believe the author just uses the term "chatting" to indicate casual banter versus the intimate conversation that often leads to cheating, thus, crossing boundaries.

It's a very good book, and an easy read for FWS's who are reluctant to read about the topic. There is even a one-page quick-reference chart that you may wish to pin up on the fridge or somewhere reminding the WS of proper boundary limits.

I had some trouble finding this in my local B&N, etc, but it can be ordered thru Amazon.

[This message edited by LumpyLola at 6:32 PM, July 28th (Tuesday)]

.Thanks for the suggestions. I have a couple of books by Gottman, so I'll have another look through them with the boundary issue in mind. Ill also look into that Meyersr book.