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11 months ago, my life came crashing down around me when I found out my husband of 9 years and the father of my two small children fathered a child with another woman. He denied and gaslit me throughout, refusing to admit that he has another child, despite undeniable proof. I even intercepted the positive paternity test in the mail with the child support judgement and he continued to deny the child, telling me he only cheated once and didn't know about the kid. And has also said nothing about the mysterious 150 missing from his paycheck every week.

I found out in February that we have to move out of our home, which is owned by my Aunt, so my cousin can move in and I have until the mid/end of August to be out. I have procrastinated beyond belief in telling him I want to move on without him when we leave our home, but felt such apprehension and guilt around my children and just the emptiness I know I will feel when he is no longer around...even though he has made himself scarce and barely comes out of the bedroom. He hasn't been a real partner for years.

Last night, after I was away with the kids for 5 nights, I finally grew the balls to tell him I want to separate. I had to just spit it out, instead of giving him the prepared speech I had because he absolutely refused to sit down and have an adult conversation with me. It did not go as I planned. I guess my expectations were too high thinking he would be able to have a conversation and discuss the future with our children, etc. He left with a grocery store bag's worth of.clothes, hugged and kissed the kids, told them he would see them tomorrow, and left.

I am so unsure of my next steps! I applied for an apartment but do not know if I have gotten it yet. If I don't, I plan to live with my parents for the time being, with my kids. We have one month before we have to be out of our home. Do I let him continue to come and go as he pleases to keep the peace, ask him not to return, or just take the kids and move in with my parents until I find an apartment? I am so so so confused.

I will be filing for divorce as soon as I get the necessary paperwork together. I have consulted with a lawyer three times now while I got my head out of my ass.

Just looking for any advice, or personal experiences.

Thanks everyone!

I applied for an apartment but do not know if I have gotten it yet. If I don't, I plan to live with my parents for the time being, with my kids. We have one month before we have to be out of our home. Do I let him continue to come and go as he pleases to keep the peace, ask him not to return, or just take the kids and move in with my parents until I find an apartment? I am so so so confused.

I remember you, and I remember your WH as one of the most notorious gaslighters we've probably ever seen. A truly horrible specimen. I'm glad you've finally decided to free yourself from that awful abuse. Good on you!

It might suck to have to move all your things twice, but I'm a firm believer in counting on family when the going gets rough. You can most likely avoid quite a bit of drama by just decamping to your parent's house until your apartment is ready. As always, it's good to get legal advice though. Remember that until you've got a separation agreement, you've both got equal rights to the children, so I think you'll want to move on getting a child custody agreement quickly as well as establishing child support and any alimony he might owe you. You've already been through so much with this guy I can't even imagine staying in that home and listening to him bitch for another month. Sometimes, you just need to make it easy on yourself, you know. Go home. Let your mom pet on you for a month. That's my advice.

Let’s see now if ten years shows up to see his kids. I suggest you start living at your parents without him. Cut him loose now.

Take the kids and go live with your parents until you find an apartment. Work on getting the paperwork together. Separate out things you can keep in boxes for your apartment and things you need on a daily basis if you have to. It's not a good enough reason to stay just for him when your deadline is only a month away and you don't have something else lined up.

Have you considered MC before filing? Isn't marriage 'till death do us part?' Where is the resolve to stick it out no matter what? Just questions I have when I read your post. When I ask those questions, I completely empathize with being cheated on, as I was cheated on horribly. I am a firm believer in marriage though.. Difficult decision, but with children involved, I am always hesitant to split if two people are willing to try and fix the issues and keep the family together. The children will be adversely affected deeply by your split.

I’m sorry you’re in this position. JMO you should move in with your parents now. Your parents can be a source of support & stabilization. Plus you won’t have to make a decision about letting him stay in the apartment or worry about what he’s doing. It does suck to move twice but when you eventually find your new place, you’ll have been through the process of discarding the unnecessaries and have most things already packed.

If your husband is interested in repairing your marriage, the onus is on him, to repair what he’s broken. He must begin being honest, which he wholly refuses, even with irrefutable proof. Cannot reconcile with an unrepentant liar. Please don’t let others try to guilt you, and use your kids to manipulate you, in staying in a marriage that’s not healthy for you or for your children.

Wishing you all the luck.