Topic is Sleeping.
freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 7:22 AM on Friday, July 29th, 2022
So proud of myself.
New guy. Decided to take it very slow.
Three fairly major red flags very early on.
1. His "best friend" is a woman.
2. He goes to church but is not plugged in and seems very content to be on the periphery. People would say he’s a nice enough guy but he keeps his distance.
3. Doesn’t seem to have any close male friends. I’m not interested in someone who is only able to be close with members of the opposite sex.
Yeah I’m not doing this.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:00 PM on Friday, July 29th, 2022
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Fablegirl ( member #56784) posted at 3:23 PM on Friday, July 29th, 2022
Sounds like an emotional avoidant. There are a lot of them out there.
freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 10:37 PM on Friday, July 29th, 2022
Fablegirl yes!!!
I feel like this type is drawn to my codependent inclinations. And I can fix them, right? My great love can make them whole 🤪
Nope. I recognize my unhealthy tendencies and won’t indulge them. I am not rehab for damages men.
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:22 AM on Monday, August 1st, 2022
Great choice. Be proud of yourself.
twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 3:09 PM on Monday, August 1st, 2022
Congratulations for spotting those red flags <3
May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.
*********When you know better, you can do better*************
Mnvatxmnsd ( new member #45518) posted at 3:27 AM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022
I’m REALLY confused why these are red flags? Just seems kind of judgemental and odd.
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 12:47 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2022
Go into her apartment and see -
Messy - stuff just laying around like open magazines on couch, dirty drinking glasses on tables, kitchen sink full of dirty dishes.
Killer: Spare bedroom floor - newspapers laid out and dog Sxxx and Pixx all over and DRIED.
contrast - she was perfectly groomed makeup and clothes -
Never went back
Date - spends time talking about friends and family - all with a serious tinge of negative comments on things like what they like, how they dress, what state their car is in (some folks hate having to have a car - and just do enough to keep it running) - no problem with that but everyone's car? (friends/family)
Never went for 2nd
Date: group type - meet for beach trip and dinner later - spends all her time speaking to/with OTHER people in the get-together
Never went back
Date: Manners - chews with mouth open and tries to speak with a mouthful of Lasagna. Primping on makeup at the RESTAURANT table. Obsessed with skin-tight pants. Wearing top that shows to much skin or see-thru-see-your-nipples - in PUBLIC. (Ok maybe I am too old-fashioned?)
Treats waiter/waitress rudely.
Never went on 2nd
Date: Get it on conversation wise and go horseback riding on a hot Summer afternoon. (Ya know what a sweaty horse smells like?)
After date - late lunch and she suggests we go to her apartment so she can "freshen up." 
Her "freshen" is to re-do makeup. Then breaks out the wine and after a glass - scoots really close and suggest some physical activity.
I don't know her history and not really in the frame of mind (considering previous activities) and somehow manage to fake needed to get home to take care of
dog.
Never went back
get my drift?
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 2:45 AM on Saturday, August 13th, 2022
I’m REALLY confused why these are red flags? Just seems kind of judgemental and odd.
The mere fact that you would say this....ok.
I am fine with you going through life confused as to why these would be red flags and am not going to bother attempting to explain.
freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 2:51 AM on Saturday, August 13th, 2022
get my drift?
I mean that's the thing....all of that uncleanliness is her putting her best foot forward, as you do in the honeymoon phase of dating. That's as good as it's gonna get.
No. Just no.
countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 4:55 AM on Monday, August 15th, 2022
Shallow is as shallow does.
We've been through this, we can afford to be judgmental. Hell, we owe it to ourselves! I had a good friend tell me that I needed to be picky and never accept anyone that doesn't fit what I wanted. Great advice.
(I just want to know what my quirks are that raise red flags so I can work on them)
3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021
Life is Good!
Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 6:05 PM on Monday, August 15th, 2022
It's great that you recognized the red flags and walked away. Not everyone's red flags are the same but those things mattered to you, so that's what counts.
I know I have my own quirks. We all do. But at this point in my life what you see is what you get. I'd rather be happy alone than try and change myself into someone else's version of acceptable.
Topic is Sleeping.
