SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ive been talking with an old acquaintance of mine, lets call him R. He's constantly depressed, talks about wanting to die. I've always said I'm available if he needs to talk but after last night I've reached my limit.

He has a friend who is dying. Last I heard the friend, J, was on palliative care, death wasn't imminent.

Yesterday R sent me a screen shot of a Facebook post J made saying he got bad medical news but really great personal news, details to follow.

R was pissed off J didn't tell him directly what the news was. I guess he wanted me to agree that J was being mean by not sharing that information with him. After a long day, being tired and sore myself I didn't clue into that. R made a comment about what HE thought the bad news was making it sound as if J is under hospice care. I just said that if he's still under palliative care I didn't think that was what's wrong, would just have to wait and see what J says.

R snapped at me. Told me to fuck off and that I'm nothing but a piece of shit.

I'm trying not to take it personally since he's all depressed but damn! I've said he needs to see his doctor, try antidepressants, even go to the ER with how he's been talking and he's always had one excuse or another.

He lives to far away for me to do anything to stop him if he decides to attempt suicide but I do know mutual friends who are close. Do I bother informing them of his current state?

Part of me is just royally pissed off and thinks he's playing the poor me card but I'd hate to think he is successful and I did nothing.

"R snapped at me. Told me to fuck off and that I'm nothing but a piece of shit."

I would let him know that he is not to speak to you this way. If he does, just calmly say goodbye or walk away.

Does he have the suicide hotline number?

It's hard to say whether or not you should talk to his friends.

People with depression can be exhausting and I am saying that as someone who has had major depression. It's hard to deal with another person's depression if you've got your own stuff going on.

I generally don't believe most people play the poor me card. I think if someone is that desperate for attention it is because they are really suffering and unable to cope.

That does not make his problems your problems. If you can help him great. If you, understandably have enough of your own stuff to deal with, put some space there and take care of yourself.

You have already suggested that he seek medical care and tried to be a good friend.

I would let him know that he is not to speak to you this way. If he does, just calmly say goodbye or walk away.

Does he have the suicide hotline number?

It's hard to say whether or not you should talk to his friends.

I have no doubt there's mental health issues there but that doesn't give him the right to treat others badly. I went to tell him that and discovered he's blocked me.

So I will contact the friends and let them know what he has said so at least someone close to him is aware.

When I said poor me I mean that he expected me to agree that J should have contacted R directly with whatever the news was. His entitlement is the issue. J is a friend, going through a terrible illness that's going to take his life. If R has ever spoken to him like the did to me last night, its no wonder J doesn't want to talk to him.

R is taking J's Inability to be there for him personally. Complained non stop that J doesnt do this or that anymore. And while I can understand the difficulty in losing a friend I am also sympathetic to J and not being able to be the best friend possible.

Sounds like R is unable to look beyond his own issues. Hard to believe he is being demanding of a friend dealing with a terminal illness.

It's ridiculous that he wants you to get involved with his friend.

Of course he blocked you.

It's just sad. J is going to pass away and his friendship with R won't be repaired with the way its currently going. That's just going lead to R spiraling into a worse place.

That is very sad.

I'm sure R will regret not leaving things on a positive note if that does happen.

Not much else you could have done to help R.

Thanks. I feel badly for upsetting him however I won't allow anyone to talk to me that way. Especially when I am trying to help.

"I won't allow anyone to talk to me that way."

Glad to hear that!!!

Well good news. I saw the friend online and sent a message explaining my concern for what R has been saying. Friend said on wow thanks for letting him know. Then he went offline. Came back saying he just got off the phone with R and again thanked me. I said I felt badly for burdening him with the information but felt I had to tell someone in case R was serious about harming himself. Friend said it was fine and he appreciated me telling him.

I know R is going to be furious with me for telling but maybe now he will get the in person support he needs.