Topic is Sleeping.
IDespiseMyself (original poster new member #82315) posted at 7:27 PM on Friday, November 4th, 2022
[This message edited by IDespiseMyself at 8:45 PM, Monday, November 7th]
justanotherperson ( member #82218) posted at 9:54 PM on Friday, November 4th, 2022
Sorry for you for being here.
From what I can tell your marriage is already a mess from the inside.
It is important to know if both of you still love one another. Paramount really.
With that being said, your husband can't go around talking dirty with "friends" whenever he wants.
You have to establish hard bondaries that he needs to mantain if he wants to stay with you. That should be your number one priority at the moment in my opinion - even before any kind of therapy.
Screaming all of the time, getting abusive to the point of breaking things at the house, those are all behaviours that do not show any kind of respect for you whatsoever.
A long serious talk is mandatory at this point. At the least.
Hope everything works out for the best for you.
[This message edited by justanotherperson at 9:55 PM, Friday, November 4th]
"It can't rain all the time."
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 10:32 PM on Friday, November 4th, 2022
Sweet girl, the first thing you need to do is go to therapy, and work on your self esteem.
Your husband is abusive. You are an abused wife. This is not your fault. It doesn't matter what you have done, or how you look. This is a HIM problem,not a you problem. He is an abuser. He would be an abuser no matter who he was with. It's who he is. It is no reflection on you.
You are worthy of love. You need to work on believing that. Your children need a strong healthy mommy.
Read the 180 in the Healing Library. Put it into play immediately. Be kind to yourself. Take care of your kids. Work on you. Him? He can go fuck himself.
But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 1:06 PM on Saturday, November 5th, 2022
How are you this morning? The weekends tend to be slow around here, so please don't be disheartened by a possible lack of replies over the next few days. I assure you, we care. We are here to help you.
Today, I'd like you to do something nice,just for yourself. Whether that be a bubble bath,buying that dress you've wanted,making what YOU want for dinner,or calling your mom and letting her love you.
But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..
Sadismynewname ( member #63897) posted at 10:15 PM on Saturday, November 5th, 2022
Oh my did your post ever give me flashbacks! I was married young to someone who got so mad that he tore the cupboard door off the frame! Then didn’t remember doing it and blamed me! It took me 7 years to get out of that mess but I was so proud of myself for leaving and my children not seeing that garbage behavior! My children have are all grown to be VERY successful adults and no divorces. None of them have tempers. The very best thing I did in my life was to divorce that jerk. He went onto marry 5 more times too. Always someone else fault not his. See any similarities? Good luck to you. You are going to need it.
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 2:58 AM on Sunday, November 6th, 2022
What? Despise yourself? No!
We're going to change all that.
Starting today.
My self worth was too low and I let people abuse me but I learned to value myself and so never again. You can too.
No yelling. No breaking things. No getting you to back down or go along. No more putting you in a less than situation. No more disrespect.
NO MORE WILD LIES.
The lies so idiotic that when you hear them your brain immediately says yeah right...what crap do you expect me to believe now?!!! 
You need not say a thing. Nope. No fights. No endless stressful pointless confrontations.
You stand in the truth.
You stand in what's right and just.
You decide you're going to do what's best for your health and your security.
Whatever nonsense he tries to spout....disregard.
You're going to a better place. Believe it because you are. It only gets better from here. Don't be afraid. Life can be so much better. You deserve a peaceful and fulfilling life. He can take his stress and control elsewhere.
Put some money aside and ask yourself what kind of life you want. Every day you move in that direction. His power over you is ended.
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:49 AM on Monday, November 7th, 2022
The cheater will cut you down b/c you are the enemy. The spouse standing in the way of their just or desire. The person they are "stuck with" (the cheater’s words) versus the person the cheater "wants to be with".
This only works if the spouse is the enemy. Then the cheater rationalizes the affair by telling themselves how "bad the marriage is" or "it’s the spouse that makes me so unhappy" blah blah blah.
Please don’t allow the cheater to cut you down. You are better than the ugly lies that spew forth b/c the cheater needs to justify their cheating.
I suggest some professional help. It will help save your sanity.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Topic is Sleeping.
