SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

i am a 55 year old married man. we were high school sweet hearts even though we went to different schools. first date was 09 dec 1983 of our sophomore year. i remember the day because the next day was her birthday! we met in an outfit called the "sea cadets", sort of a navy oriented type of scouts. i still remember after an event when my mom asked who that cute girl was. i knew even though i was only 14 that she was the one.

in 1986, joined the navy and two months after graduation, i was running laps yelling "yes sir!" after graduation after my post boot camp training i was posted to the uss nimitz out of bremerton, wa. this is important later. during this time we made the long distance work. we married 20 may 1989. 7 months into our marriage, her dad had a mental break down in december. before this, we had a VERY very healthy sex life. when her dad had this break down, she went frigid, cold turkey with no explanation. in some respects, this was more harmful than what was to come. our sex life never really repaired after that. on 14 january 1990, she became pregnant. our son was born in 02 oct 1990. re enlisted and then got out in 1995, mainly because our son was diagnosed as severely autistic and did not want to leave her alone with that responsibility.

we settle near both our home towns. in our complex. ran into a guy who was a former shipmate from the uss nimitz who remembered me. we became friends. i was and have been a very good husband. have only been with two women sexually my WHOLE life, though tempted a few times. main provider at first. cooked, cleaned, cared for both our kids, treated her right. and when she needed something from me or i had to be corrected, i listened. my only thing was i played D&D on friday nights at a friends house. in december of 2002, while cleaning out my glove compartment and found a note. she wanted to be caught! for the past three months, she and our "friend' while i was gaming. only a few times. he confirmed. she was very remorseful.

it is now 2023. had our 34th anniversary last month. since then, we have had one other rough patch due to a HORRIBLE friend of hers who encouraged bad behaviors in her until she pulled her head out and saw where she heading. yes we are happy. had issues with triggers for a while, i admit

reconciliation CAN work. both parties NEED to be there for one another. have a good sense of humor and communicate.

btw, wanted y name to maccleod, as in from "highlander" but screwed up! LOL!

[This message edited by macleod at 9:15 PM, Friday, June 16th]

I'm glad you were able to work through your issues. The key, I think, I'd that both partners need to be 100% committed to doing the work necessary to heal and rebuild. Unfortunately, my XWH wasn't able to be a safe partner and I filed for D the week before our 34th anniversary.

The Healing Library has a list of the acronyms we use. There's a post at the top of the forum for happy reconciliation stories where you can share. I

ETA: the Thankful Thursday post can always use positive stories.

[This message edited by leafields at 6:09 AM, Friday, June 16th]

@lea- thank you very much. i just wanted a successful story out there to give some people out there some hope!

i just wanted a successful story out there to give some people out there some hope!

Thank you for sharing, can you share about the work you two put in to achieve success? Success stories are important in the R forum, but the process is equally as important.

@tanner- even though i was angry and hurt, naturally, i went into anger sessions for the initial phase, therapy with a professional and our family pastor. she went through individual counseling with a professional and spoke with our pastor as well. then we BOTH had marriage counseling together. had trouble with triggers for a long time and fought them down. as time passed, they have almost (99%) have faded. i KNOW she loves me, she was and is, truly remorseful, and she KNOWS that she has been my only sexual partner since our senior year,1986. she needed to know why she did what she did. that she, at the time, was a weak soul.

this little ting almost ruined it 6 years later. she had a friend who was a TERRIBLE influence on her. this woman and her husband are swingers. wanted us to join them. this woman WANTED me, it was quite clear. even though she did not come out and actually say it, i knew and never even reacted to it. physically, she repulsed me. i am quite different from her husband. he, short and mousey. i am 6'0 and was pressing in the high 200s at the time and was running. when she saw that she was NOT getting me, she began to spread bad things about me, encouraged my wife to "get out there", so to speak. this initially worked on her, but when i pointed out to her what was going on, she dropped that friend at once. we both had couples counseling on the reasons why this small event happened. even though she did not do anything, (confirmed!) she saw the signs and was remorseful we have OPEN phone and social media to one another as well.

[This message edited by macleod at 9:01 PM, Saturday, June 17th]

Thank you!!!