Topic is Sleeping.
Mummybear (original poster new member #83709) posted at 7:59 PM on Wednesday, August 9th, 2023
Me and my partner have been together 10 years and we have 2 young children. I found out 4 weeks ago that he had a 1 night stand with one of his old friends he was completely intoxicated. He has been suffering with his mental health. He has also been messaging this woman for a few months. All of its stopped now he has deleted all social media and messaging forums. He is devastated at what he's done to me and our families and he wants to fix things between us. I'm so in 2 minds at the moment. Im so hurt and angry but I dont want ro break our family apart as our children are so young if he can change and be a better person. We are currently separated and im living between my home and my parents while we see how things go. He has been to the GP and is now getting the help that he needs. Has anyone been in this situation where you take back a cheating partner. Can it work with help from couples therapy. Thanks for taking time to read this.
Blackbird25 ( member #82766) posted at 8:18 PM on Wednesday, August 9th, 2023
I’m sorry you’re here Mummybear. This sort of betrayal is so incredibly traumatizing. Read my profile - I am reconciling with my husband. He had an A with a HS friend he knew 25 yrs prior. They reconnected through FB. (This A was in 2012). It’s not an easy road when you’re trying to recover. BOTH partners have to be all in, committed to the healing process. PLUS my WH had a mental breakdown during this time - he’d been suffering from military related combat PTSD. Please read the pinned posts in this forum - this will help you sort your head a bit. You don’t need to decide right here and now if you want to reconcile - your WH needs to step up and do ALL the things he needs to do to make you feel safe. And even then - after months have passed, you still don’t owe him the gift of reconciliation. It takes a very long time to work through the process of reconciling - this is not an overnight process. You need to take care of yourself, eat, hydrate, practice self care. Focus on you and your needs - if he’s serious about reconciliation, he will do everything above and beyond what you need to make you feel safe and that he is a worthy partner. Read the books that are suggested in the pinned posts. Get yourself in individual counseling - him too!! What he did was betray you in the most reckless, stupid and irresponsible way possible - but if you’re willing to forgive, then he needs to realize that reconciliation a GIFT you are offering. NC with the OW, delete social media, change phone numbers, full transparency on his phone - including access to accounts, messaging apps, texts - you have full access to look at anything at anytime. This is non-negotiable. Also - if alcohol is a problem, then he needs to stop drinking! I wish you the best of luck. Others will come along and offer advice. Not everything we recommend or suggest is something you must absolutely do - take what you need and leave the rest.
[This message edited by Blackbird25 at 8:19 PM, Wednesday, August 9th]
Me: BS Him: WH, Married 1996 -
DDay#1: 6/1/2012 (EA 3 mos, PA 1 month) - DDay#2: 12/26/22 (EA, 1 wk) -
Reconciling and doing well.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 8:37 PM on Wednesday, August 9th, 2023
Welcome to SI and sorry that you had to find us. Please read the pinned posts at the top of the page because they have a lot of great information. The Healing Library has even more resources, including a list of acronyms we use. Your WH (wayward husband) should read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. It's a great primer for the work he should be doing. It's a little over 100 pages, so it isn't too bad.
You may not want to start MC yet. Your M didn't cheat, your WH did. You may find IC more helpful at this point to help you to process the trauma. Your WH needs to be in IC to find out his whys. When you've both had time for healing, then MC may be helpful with communication in the M.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
annb ( member #22386) posted at 10:56 AM on Friday, August 11th, 2023
Hi, mummy, welcome to SI. So sorry you are here.
Have you checked out the articles in the Healing Library?
Keep in mind your partner was more than likely planning this rendezvous bc he was in touch with her for months behind your back. Please don't allow him to use intoxication as an excuse. How did they meet up?
You can survive this BUT your wayward has to be willing to do the hard work. The burden is on him, and please understand it will take years to move through this pain, not weeks or months.
I'm glad you have your parents for support, lean on them, lean on us, lean on TRUSTED friends.
Are you in individual counseling?
Topic is Sleeping.
