SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So here we are at almost 2 weeks in this mess for the second time. WH has just started IC, I've had 2 sessions of IC about this and we've done 2 MC sessions about this. But in all of that we didn't work out a plan for WH's work trip this weekend. He and I have agreed he needs to go so him not going is not an option. He will be flying out early Fri morning and come back early Sunday morning. I will be driving him and picking him up from the airport. He's supposed to be rooming with another work friend. My problem is how hard this trip is for me to deal with. WH knows he is not to mess with his location on either of the 2 tracking apps we've got running on him. But he'll already be at a hotel so I'm struggling with how I can feel safe? Location tracking will simply put him at the hotel but obviously cannot tell me things like if he goes to a different hotel room. Because of my deep anxiety on this I can't think of how to make myself feel more comfortable. And I'm tired of being asked, "well what do you NEED in this to feel safe?" Dude, how can I feel safe in this scenario? I don't know what I want or need other than to have not been ever placed here but that's not something I got an option in. The only other advice I've been giving is to journal, process and not DO things because both my IC and MC say that I handle things by doing rather than processing. I'm tired of not doing things. Processing hurts like being ripped apart. And I definitely don't want to just white knuckle my way through this weekend. I need suggestions...

He can call you,and put his phone in his pocket the entire time.

As a returning BS,you know he should be doing the heavy lifting right now. I know he's a member here. He posted what I consider an obligatory, desperate post right after this last dday,and that was it. It's not your job to find ways he can make you feel safer. That's his. He should have posted asking this question. You know that. That he didn't tells me he's not doing the work,again. Except for a desperate post, and checking the box of going to IC.

That is more worrisome than this trip.

Some people don’t like monitoring so it is up to you. But you can certainly keep FaceTime or a phone call going at all times-in his pocket or on a side table whatever. You should know his room number and once you know that, once he checks in you can see on your find friends/life 350 where he is in the building. He shouldn’t move. Also you should have the phone number in the room with the ability to call at all times to double check that he hasn’t just left his phone in the room and gone somewhat else. You should be able to call and check in as frequently as you choose.

The fact that he's sharing a room makes this difficult. Normally, I'd recommend he FaceTime you,all night,and keep his laptop open, so you could check that he's in the room, alone. You can't do that with another man in the room. That would be an incredible invasion of privacy for the other man. And,possibly illegal.

Why does he have to go on this trip? You both agreed he needs to go, so that seems as if he has the option not to go. At 2 weeks out, and..was it 10 other women throughout the marriage?..maybe he needs to turn this down and work on becoming a safe man.