SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Help needed

My BS doesn’t believe me when I tell her about the emotional affair I had with a COW. She thinks it must have been physical as it lasted 2 years and I was emotionally invested even though I can’t tell her why.

She thinks I must have been making plans with the OW especially after I opened up to the OW, something I have never done with anyone else before. And after telling my wife that I prewarned the OW about our final phone call and told her it was all for my wife’s benefit and not real. After I had basically told her that I would leave my wife for her if she told me to that same day.

How do I explain that even though I had access to this woman 8 hours plus a day 5 days a week, went to a number of work functions at hotels and chose her day after day for two years over my wife that as a red blooded man I didn’t have any physical contact with her?

I understand that all my lies in the past have put me in an impossible position. I’m sat here stuck in a cycle of self hate and frustration at trying to understand what I was feeling. We feel I might be projecting my thoughts and feelings now, on what I thought and felt then. I’m really struggling. I did have a strong emotional link to her and every feeling that I feel I felt then when I try to understand comes across, even to me, as childish and pathetic. I was a grown man in my 40s a5 the time

BS responding. If your BFF were telling you this, how would you respond?

Did you touch her hand? Stroke her arm, hair, or leg? Kiss? That's physical.

Have you worked on becoming empathy? Put yourself in your wife's shoes.

Polygraph. Prove it to her.

You acknowledge that her distrust in you is reasonable and valid in the circumstances. You stop being exasperated by it. You confirm your desire to provide her with the whole truth and you openly and calmly provide her with any questions she asks. You advise her that you UNDERSTAND why she wouldn't trust your word on this, and advise her that you're willing to take a polygraph if she'd like. You then do the work of researching options for this in your location and letting her decide which one she'd like to schedule. Do not balk at cost or how crazy or sad it is that you've gotten to this point in your marriage - trust me, she knows.