SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Title explains it really. mostly my wife texts her interest via Watsapp or Instagram with read once messages. She takes the pictures when I’m the other side of the house or when she’s locked in the toilet or bathroom. So I can’t get proof.

They do meet up regularly but I have the kids when she leaves the house so I am stuck. I have no budget but need to gather something concrete.

She is suspicious I know something and wants out of the marriage but I want to keep our family together. I love her very much and she said she loves me too just not in a romantic way. To that end we are in couples therapy for that.

She doesn’t think I know about the ongoing affair. I was hoping she would own up with everything going on. But I realise that was wishful thinking.

[This message edited by bobbo at 5:10 PM, Thursday, February 22nd]

If you can afford one, a PI would be best. Short of that, you’ll need to set up hidden cams & audio recording devices, of course only in your own home/vehicles that you own.

Some will scream bloody murder over recording someone apart from their knowledge, but this is not for giving to a court of law. This is strictly to motivate you to the proper response after you have certainty of what’s happening. Setting up a recording device on your own property to record you and your W has a near-zero chance of blowing up on you.

Even after you have proof, don’t use it to confront your W. Just proceed with consequences, telling her you know, and refuse to give up your sources. It won’t matter at that point anyway. If she flips out, you can always tell her "How about I send my evidence to our families and see what they think it is you’re doing?".

I'm curious how you know she's sending messages and meeting with her AP?

What would getting more evidence do for you?

I'm curious how you know she's sending messages and meeting with her AP?

What would getting more evidence do for you?

I've seen it just after the fact, I've seen her collect the photos on CCTV but I've never seen it all in one. It could potentially be explained away. But the fact that it's every morning and evening, coupled with other things, gives me the same feeling I got when I was right early in all this with other things. Just need that final smoking gun really.

Trouble is I'm not sure how suspicious she is at this stage.

I need 100% evidence that is indisputable before I start getting my head around what's next.

If she flips out, you can always tell her "How about I send my evidence to our families and see what they think it is you’re doing?".

Gr8ful, I love this. I'm gonna use that. If I ever get the evidence...

You might consider putting a tracker in the car, and a VAR. A lot of people text rather than call these days, so the VAR may not give you much. With the tracker, though, you'll know where she is when she leaves the house and can probably get info about the AP. If she's using public transportation, maybe a small tracker in her purse? (Check the legality of that beforehand.)

If you have the means, I second the suggestion to hire a PI.

[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 7:13 PM, Thursday, February 22nd]

You’re never going to get all the evidence you need. It will never be enough, unless you catch them actually in the act. "It can be explained away" is gaslighting. No it can’t. It’s inappropriate behavior at the very least. You already called her a cheater, so there is your answer.

Nothing you can do will change her, or make her do anything.

She is cheating, what are you going to do about it for you?

Edited to add: here is the first thing I think you should do for you. Tell her if she’s going out she needs to take you and the kids with her, or at the very least stop allowing her to go while you stay home with kids. Tell her that is no longer acceptable and you won’t tolerate it

[This message edited by HellIsNotHalfFull at 7:20 PM, Thursday, February 22nd]

From what you said elsewhere putting a VAR the car May well be all you need to catch all of the details. Just be careful you may hear some things you don't want to. If what you seem to suspect is going on in the car is actually going on there hearing it will be very hard and change you very deeply.