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Let me start by saying that my last Dday was over 45 years ago. But! I still get triggered sometimes. Especially by certain music. I won’t go into what music because it was an album released before most of you were born. I can usually turn down the volume, turn it off or skip the playlist.

So I had something new happen last night. Shortly after falling asleep, I had a dream. In my dream one of the guys began playing the piano. One of the songs off that album. I couldn’t ask him to stop or turn it off so I had to listen to it. In my dream, I sat there and cried. I was just so sad. Shortly after that, I woke up. There were tears in my eyes. I laid there, really sad.

Now I’m sure many of you, maybe most of you, have scars from getting hurt when you were a child. Infidelity is like that. The wounds are deep and the scars last forever.

So when someone asks a BS why can’t they just get over it, this is why! It will be with you forever!!!!

I’m almost 20 years out from DDay and I concur. It’s always there. It’s always with you. 99% of the old triggers are benign now, but sometimes one sneaks up on you and knocks you flat.

We were having fun with friends a few weeks ago and I was triggered badly by something. I snuck off to the restroom, had my moment, composed myself, and returned to the fun.

I hope you don’t have too much of an emotional dream hangover today. Thank you for sharing this.

Hmmm ... I'm older than you, married a bit longer than you, but you got married a bit younger than me. My d-day was 13+ years ago....

Both my W & I triggered very recently. My W is on our condo board. The pres is a narcissistic, bullshitting bully, and I had been pushing my W to oppose the asshole on a significant issue She was stonewalling. She said she felt the way she did during her A - scared. A few days later I realized I felt like I did during her A - grief, fear, and anger over being abandoned.

One never fully forgets trauma....

My d-day came after I had a lot of life experience, and the life experience helped me deal with the crisis. If W had cheated 10 years into our M, I can't even imagine how I'd have handled the situation.

I look on triggers as pain coming to the surface to be released. That doesn't help while I'm experiencing them, of course. Afterwards, though, I feel a little lighter.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:51 PM, Saturday, March 9th]

One never fully forgets trauma....

Exactly. NONE of us get through this life without some type of trauma. For ME...It is how I deal with the trauma that determines the quality of the rest of my life. I have come to realize that even though it will always be a part of my life...it will not BE my life . I will never get over it...but I have gotten through it. Getting through to the other side of infidelity is actually quite beautiful . I did it through D with my 1st H...and through R with my 2nd H...so I know that D or R can bring about its own beautiful life!

Skyking

Jefferson Airplane - Surrealistic Pillow ??!

I use to think I was "plan A" in our songs...maybe I was "plan B"?

No wonder she doesn't prefer my play list.

HIPPO16

Actually Tapestry by Carole King.

Sk

I googled the song because I didn't recognize it.

I think, though, that listening to it made me gassy. If that's it's impact on average listeners, its no wonder that you have nightmares with it playing.

I googled the song because I didn't recognize it.

I think, though, that listening to it made me gassy. If that's it's impact on average listeners, its no wonder that you have nightmares with it playing.

Actually it wasn’t the song or the lyrics. It was the situation around how my WW wanted to buy the album because she had “heard it somewhere “ but couldn’t remember where. Right!!!!

[This message edited by Skyking at 7:03 AM, Tuesday, March 19th]