SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How are you doing, BS's?

Are you healing? Honestly, do you see any light at the end of the tunnel on your current path?

Have you been patient? Or have you been so patient that it's more like you don't have a spine?

Real talk. Who is going to right the ship for you?

Has your WS *demonstrated* that they're putting you first or do they just talk big?

Listen. You're worth tangible effort not just an unrealised philosophical concept.

Cheers!

This is a very kind gesture on your behalf. Are things going well for you and your FWW?

Doing well. I can't say I'm "completely healed" but the A isn't something I work on anymore. I have a new therapist, and almost all of the work I'm doing now is related to my more normal issues as a person, not in dealing with ongoing anxiety related to my wife's A.

I was too patient early on, but I'm almost afraid the only way R works is if you are too patient early on to the point where you lose your patience. If you just go straight deal breaker and get out via D (a totally valid and understandable path and reaction), the chances of R go way down. I try not to monday morning QB myself too much. I'm generally happy with the decisions I made and the time I made them in.

BS is in charge of their actions. WS is in charge of theirs. You are rowing the boat together. If you don't work together you are gonna go in circles.

WS has demonstrated that I am the priority (to be fair, still after her, which is to be expected, everyone should be their own top priority) now several times over and under different circumstances where previously she might have put her friends first. I can see how she has grown and how she has corrected some of her problematic thinking patterns.

I mostly come to the boards to pay it forward. I think this site has been invaluable to me.

What is with the patience/emphaty mentality that BS are supposed to have? From what I’ve seen it’s the cheating partner who lacks patience.

No I don’t have patience anymore. Shouldn’t have cheated on me.

Love that people genuinely care about others’ healing journeys. I always see people comment on threads and checking in. So lovely!

I’m feeling mostly fine but very detached and still obsessing daily over contacting the OW which I won’t but I wished I did at the time of d-day. Her friend messaged me actually but I just ignored and blocked her.

Also feel like I’m incompetent as a person as I’m not able to make a clear decision on wanting to stay or go. I’ve got some books which have been recommended that I’ve started reading and am meditating more often so hoping the clarity will find me. But I feel like my life is on pause during this period and I don’t really have the time to waste as I want to have a family etc and need to crack on now I’m 30.

Also I feel sorry for my partner. He had a tough childhood, didn’t receive a lot of love and doesn’t have many friends and I feel like I’m his only source of happiness (well other than the AP he had for a few years!!) and I feel sorry for him that he made these bad choices and ruined everything for us. I know he regrets it and will do forever regardless if we stay together or not. I think I’m harbouring far too much empathy than he deserves 🤣

How are you doing and how is your healing going?