Topic is Sleeping.
hockeymom1 (original poster new member #71904) posted at 3:45 PM on Monday, May 27th, 2024
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.
WS has done the work, we are in a great place…. But the past few nights I’ve been dreaming about his emotional affair and it’s left me feeling awful, in tears this morning. Nothing in our relationship has triggered it. We just had a great trip to Mexico and it was amazing. We have created a "new" relationship and I’ve never felt more secure in our marriage.
For some reason these dreams have brought up a lot of emotions. One thing in particular that has been weighing on me the past few days is reliving a text he sent to my former BFF saying "I love you" using her full name, "I love you."
Feel like my upset over this has just really hit me for some unknown reason almost 5 years later… he’s done the work, we’ve done the work… so why is this hitting me so hard now?!?!?
Not sure what I’m looking for but feeling frustrated that years later, this is resurfacing for no reason :(
Anyone else experience this? How did you manage it????
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:06 PM on Monday, May 27th, 2024
I don't know why, but this seems pretty common to me. I know I triggered for no apparent reason long after R was in place. The triggers became fewer and less intense as time went on, but I triggered nonetheless. The last bad one hit me about 10 years out. Since then, and before then, too, triggers were annoyances.
I think of triggers as pain coming to the surface to be let go. If you let yourself have them, I believe specific triggers won't come back. You've got specificity now, and it's pushing itself into your awareness. My reco is to feel the feels, share with your WS, and expect the best.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 6:44 PM on Monday, May 27th, 2024
I’ve never felt more secure in our marriage.
The stronger the current marriage, the greater the gap to who they were and what they did. It makes the "How could they?" questions that much more gripping of your psyche. It makes you fight that the past, that specific past, happened. It is super-tempting to fully engage with the thoughts.
Some things I tell myself when something like this pops up, are…
1. It happened. She did it. It was real. It can’t be undone. Take a deep breath.
2. I am not my thoughts. Be here now.
Thinking is way too often not a positive thing in life, in general. 😬
DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver
hockeymom1 (original poster new member #71904) posted at 7:07 PM on Monday, May 27th, 2024
Thank you 😊
It feels so strange. We are in a good place and have been for quite a while.
I’ve not had many bad/intrusive thoughts about past in quite a while. Sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere and feels like for no particular reason. It’s like I recognize how much we’ve accomplished, yet my brain says "don’t forget what he said/did"...
Infidelity really does suck! I’m trying to figure out how to bring it up to my spouse. He’ll be supportive but I can’t even begin to understand why it’s come up, let alone explain to him how I feel…
KCS1974 ( new member #84885) posted at 2:38 AM on Wednesday, May 29th, 2024
I'm 15 years out. We have a happy marriage and my wife has done all that she can possibly do to help with healing and recovery for both of us. I'm as confident as possible (?) that we will never face anything like that again and that she is truly remorseful and sickened by what happened.
I still have moments that are difficult, however. Sometimes there are concrete triggers; other times it seems out of the blue. When it happens, I feel like I need to share it with my wife. Usually ends up ripping scabs off of old wounds, which is never my intention (or at least I hope not).
Topic is Sleeping.
