SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My husband and I had a massive row while away on a weekend trip. I was triggered, and I sarcastically commented and of course, this escalated.

Two days later, we agreed to talk about the episode. As usual, I prepared for my talk and wrote out all the stuff that was meanly said, my reminders about boundaries etc.etc. I was ready.

I ran it by my best friend…she is also a fBW. So she understands.
She suggested that I simplify and tone down my approach as I tend to be quite direct.

My husband is a shallow thinker and I am a deep thinker. I tend to really analyze any uncomfortable situation. Cover all angles.

She said that I need to get down to his level of thinking to get my point across and that my original way of presenting information does not work with him.

I agreed. I changed my talk to three short sentences. And I apologized for the sarcasm.
My husband looked at me with these huge eyes. Like a frozen deer in headlights. He was thrown off because he expected to be told how he messed up. Of course he did, but so did I. But that was not the point of our talk.

It ended very well. Easily. We are good again.

Just saying to all fBs, that changing one’s approach when the way it was done in the past did not really end well, is priceless. And well worth rethinking.
I learned something about myself.

Thank you for sharing this very important story.

Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

I like this a lot. If there is one positive outcome of this whole blasted A experience, it is that we've learned this as well. There were many times when I was communicating things in the past where he received my comments, the way I formed them, as an attack. I'm so grateful that we have learned better ways of leaning into each other. Conflicts will happen, but we can deal with them so much better than before.