ImAChump (and others)
I want to say I WISH I had known about SI during my H鈥檚 last affair. But I didn鈥檛.
And I made ALL the obvious mistakes that the great majority of people here would have warned me about.
Allowing the cheater to control the situation is a mistake.
Buying into the "unmet needs" crap is a mistake for the BS.
Listening to their words instead of watching their actions is a huge mistake.
Thinking we are different 馃お
Dragging a lying cheating spouse down the Reconciliation path was the biggest mistake I made.
Making a big deal out of the smallest of efforts towards R - I might as well have given him a trophy for being a cheater.
I allowed him to rugsweep his first affair. HUGE MISTAKE! That made it very easy for him to have a second affair. I know the smart people here at SI would have steered me in the right direction on that decision too.
What I did do right during his 2nd affair was to keep my plan B going. What I did do right was see my H was nothing special but saw him for the cold hearted lying jerk he was. I stopped (finally) making excuses for him.
What I finally realized was that cheaters follow a very predictable and typical pattern of behavior.
You see my H counted on me being a pushover. And he NEVER expected me to do the hard 180 and kick him to the curb on dday2. He never ever expected he would lose control of me and not be able to call the shots.
But I chose to finally stand up to him in dday2. That one move restored my self esteem AND changed the balance of power in our relationship.
And 3 years later when I found SI I realized I missed out on the best support group. But better late than never.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:25 AM, Friday, May 5th]
