heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 7:26 AM on Friday, February 10th, 2017
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 1:22 AM on Sunday, March 26th, 2017
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:36 PM on Wednesday, April 12th, 2017
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:30 PM on Sunday, May 7th, 2017
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
mchercheur (original poster member #37735) posted at 2:53 PM on Monday, May 15th, 2017
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 34 years/Together 35 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, May 15th, 2017
The SI Bump Dance. 
ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...
StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 6:16 AM on Tuesday, June 6th, 2017
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:22 PM on Monday, June 19th, 2017
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Lovingmyselfmore ( member #46119) posted at 8:14 PM on Saturday, August 5th, 2017
dday: september-12-2014
Me: 42 EX: 46 gay or bisexual (go figure!) together: 12 years
Dday to 3 months: suicidal 1 year after: huge depression- 1.5 years still kind of depressed-Took me 2.5 years to be kind of happy again
MysteryM0802 ( new member #59969) posted at 8:46 PM on Saturday, August 5th, 2017
This is really helpful thank you. I feel silly sometimes as compared to some of the experiences of people in here I have gotten off lucky. I am not married to my partner and we have no children but my pain is just as raw and my life feels devestated. Every day I feel a little more equipped to deal with the upcoming confrontation next week. It's killing me not to say anything yet but I want to do it face to face and he's not back til Friday when I'll be away on a hen weekend so got to wait til next Sunday 
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 2:28 AM on Monday, September 4th, 2017
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
HurtinWI ( new member #60435) posted at 7:08 PM on Monday, September 4th, 2017
Thank you for taking the time to share all of this. I'll be honest I have thought the "what could I have done?" and I've asked him why he didn't come talk to me, tell me he was unhappy and missing romance/cuddling in our relationship.
I've also told him he wasn't the only one who was unhappy but at least I stayed faithful and tried to work on things while he was running around. There's a lot of things that you said that I needed to hear right now and realize that he's the only one who can stop this from happening again and change himself. We are looking into going into couples counseling but unless he really wants to change and really regrets this there's nothing I can do except turn the other cheek and hope he doesn't burn it or leave, it's in his hands now
The one person who I thought would never cheat on me, not betray me in that way, just blew apart my world.
DDAY: 8/19/2017
Him:31 Me:28
8 years. 1 child (5yrs old)
psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 9:09 PM on Monday, September 4th, 2017
We are looking into going into couples counseling but unless he really wants to change and really regrets this there's nothing I can do except turn the other cheek and hope he doesn't burn it or leave, it's in his hands now
It's very important to realize that unless the cheating spouse truly WANTS to R, it is not going to happen. And they have to want to do it for the RIGHT reasons, which usually means to fix their broken selves and try to learn how to be honest and healthy human beings. They can't want to R out of more selfish reasons, such as to keep their lifestyle, to not be "outed" as a cheater to friends, coworkers, etc. This has to be something deep inside of them that shames them to their core.
And no, it's not only in the cheaters hands really. We betrayed spouses need to take control of our own lives, to see our value as people regardless of whether we are in a relationship with our fWS or not. We need to find ourselves, nourish ourselves, use this opportunity for self-improvement and finding our happy place. If our partner "fixes" him/herself and we "fix" ourselves, then two healthy people can come together and try to rebuild a relationship together (if they choose).
Infidelity is a wake up call. But we have to be willing to answer the call. Wake up from life we were living before our DDay, and use this energy to make ourselves into something truly wonderful in this next phase of our life. Because the life we knew is now over. This is a new game. And we have the choice of creating the game and rules in a way that makes the best sense for us.
This is one of the most devastating experiences most of us will ever endure. But if we have the right mindset about it, and make certain choices, once the crisis has passed and we start to regain our strength and sanity, the world really does open up in a new and often better ways. 
BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled
Jen ( member #26584) posted at 11:03 PM on Sunday, September 17th, 2017
Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:20 AM on Thursday, October 5th, 2017
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:49 PM on Tuesday, October 17th, 2017
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
runsmiley ( member #33572) posted at 8:28 PM on Wednesday, October 18th, 2017
Great post. I'm in DD2 after DH had an EA w a friend. So true I can't control a lot of this. Doing thr 180. He's sorry, but not telling the entire truth.
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 12:13 PM on Tuesday, October 31st, 2017
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
mchercheur (original poster member #37735) posted at 4:47 AM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 34 years/Together 35 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:32 PM on Saturday, December 2nd, 2017
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
