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I’m not going to get into what a rotten grandmother I had but take my word for it she was never on my radar as someone I ever wanted to visit. Her abuse was very quiet. She never raised her voice but she pretty much destroyed her children so her grandchildren got wise to her and bailed. I never had much to do with her after I was grown and very little to do with her as a teenager. She just was not worth it. Your kids will do fine without that part of the family as long as they know you love them. It sounds like your husband has taken on the abusive way of life like he was probably subjected to as a kid.

I don’t know you I have no idea what kind of person you are but from what I have read you are trying to fix what’s unfixable. I don’t know what got you and his family started down this road but it’s now so dangerous to be on that you’re going to go off a cliff if you keep trying. Let go of them, they are not doing you any good, they are not doing your children any good, they need to be in your rearview mirror

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 11:22 AM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

That was a ground rule that I established pretty early on after my divorce. The kids could visit exww's family on her time and on her dime. Not mine.

I agree with the others that your daughter does not need to try and see her. I think the reason you are trying to accommodate that is because your STBX has conditioned you to. Don't condition this brilliant young lady to do the same.

My mother is like your MIL. I have a brother 8 years older than I am, and an identical twin. My mother was always totally obsessed with my brother. He was constantly failing in school and my sister and I got straight As, but the sun rose and set on him. He got whatever he wanted, while we got ignored. The result is that I kept working harder and harder to win her approval, which would never come. It set me up to do the same in relationships. I didn't see red flags in men. I saw challenges. I'd get someone to really love me if it killed me. It darn near did.

I reached my "I'm done" moment when it came to how she treated my DD. When my DD got married, my mother was all excited and couldn't wait to come to the wedding. Right up until I told her my brother wasn't invited. I hadn't seen him in years. And I made it clear that my sister would be there, and she had been sexually abused repeatedly by my brother for two years between the age of 8 and 10, which our mother is well aware of. My DD was also a victim of a family member on her dad's side of the family so, I had no intention of having my pedophile brother at her wedding. So grandma didn't come to her grand-daughter's wedding. Golden boy was more important.

That set me free. I had one conversation in which my mother insisted my sister made it all up, in spite of the fact that he openly discussed it with me years ago, explaining why he targeted her and not me. She insisted on calling my sister and I liars. I didn't speak to her again for two years, no matter how many sobbing voice mail messages she left.

It took years but once I stood up for myself there was no looking back. My mother is now 90 years old, and struggling health wise. She lives about 3 hours away from me. I went to see her once in the last 10 years. I only speak to her once a week for a half an hour. And I don't feel bad about it one bit. There are people who are not worthy of our continued effort, family or no family. She is one of those people.

Good for you for telling MIL off. I'm not surprised the other family member threatened you. When someone finally speaks the truth, they can't stand it. But you don't need to stand for it any longer. The sooner you have the whole lot of them in the rear view mirror, the better.

Your DD can see GMA when she is with your exWH. No need for the drama.

We went and saw one family member, who is a cousin and didnt jnow what happened. I made a slight reference to there being problems (we almost didnt come, but so glad we did and got to meet your son!!) and she sent me a long text back that said im sorry if my family made you almost not come, they can be absolutely brutal and if you want to talk im here…. But none of my business if not. She never asked where wh was either!

Dd said yes her grandmother upsets her when she obviously choses the other kids over her. Which is funny bc she is a great kid- she is 15 and a senior in highschool, was doing a sport and winning competitions at the state level, is a four sport student…. Shes just "got it all"

Other grandkids- one is 20 and brags on tik tok about her recent nose job, DD said she does that to show she has money, and she was in trouble with the police a few years ago because of cocaine.

Wh was so mad we didnt see his mother. But, again, it was too dramatic. We had a great week, drove 1900 miles through 9 states and saw 12 colleges.