SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Fof9303

Thank you for the kind words.
I have been trying to shift my focus when I’m having a spiraling moment and stay busy. I feel like I have stayed so busy (gym, cleaning, always on the move) that I’m just exhausted. Sometimes it is hard to be home and be around my H because he is a huge trigger by himself.
I need to get better at meditation or just relaxing instead of keeping myself exhausted.
My best friend did tell me that being in the same space with the person that created my trauma would be hard , boy she was right.

God bless to you too!

Groot

I need to get better at meditation or just relaxing

Try breathwork. There are a ton of YouTube videos out there that can guide you along, for example, try googling on "breathe with Sandy". Following breathwork forces your brain to keep track of the breathing and allows you to not think about other stuff. It’s very liberating! You can roll into plain old meditation at the end of a session.

Groot,

I am sorry for your pain. Have you asked your husband what you wrote here:

"I just want to feel special again, I keep trying to pry to find something we have together that he didn’t have with her. Maybe I should reframe my questions more towards us ? Idk."

I have, he tells me all the time that we have a special connection, we share four kids together, we connect better emotionally than anyone he has ever met and he loves me more than anyone in the world besides our kids.
I do think in his mind what we have is still "special" because he knows she didn't mean anything to him other than an ego boost but he gave her all of the things he vowed to only give me, fake or not.

Sometimes distraction is beneficial. Sometimes it's a way of stuffing pain down somewhere in one's body, which allows it to fester.

No matter how overwhelming your feelings may seem to be, you have your feelings. They don't have you. If you feel overwhelmed and have some time and a place to be alone, consider identifying the feeling (angry, sad, scared, ashamed) and letting it/them flow. That lets them go. BSes have lots of feelings, so it takes a lot of letting them flow for one to feel the results, but the results do come, and I found the effort had great payoffs.

What has helped me deal with my continual questioning was to write down every thought and question I had for a short period of time. I filled up 4 pages single line! I reviewed it and removed redundancies, unimportant items and and just plain mean snarky thoughts. Literally burned them. Then we sat and talked about the ones that really mattered to me. It helped me to stay focused and to be able to ask deep thoughtful questions without getting overly emotional. This in turn helped WH to respond in like.

Staying busy helps my anxiety during the day, but its only temporary. It also helps me to let it out while I'm cleaning the house, driving the car.....etc....People probably see me and think I'm crazy! But once I get it out I feel stronger. Better.

Well I did some more digging and found out the affair started a month earlier than he told me and that he had slept with her a specific night I asked him about (a night of one of his shows) so once I confronted him with the proof he admitted. I will never know why people jeopardize their marriages for trickle truth. He is about to lose his entire family because he is a coward. He kept telling me he didn’t want the night ruined in my mind because it was a good concert and we all showed up to support him. Then he goes and fucks his AP. Makes sense to me.