SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I understand where you are on the band thing. There’s no way he would be happy if you made him quit the band. The resentment would be huge.

My WH ultimately got tired of that lifestyle and chose a different profession, still creative. He still plays music every day, and he’s 73 years old. Rocks out the house daily, loudly. It’s just a part of who they are, and to ask them to stop would be like trying to tell a river to flow upstream instead of down.

I, too, hated the band. I feel you. Oddly enough, bands usually become too much like "work" and the members start hating it, too. So there’s that. You will be the refuge from the band at some stage.

Come and vent. We’re here.

I understand your fears, truly I do. My FWH was in a band and the OW was also a music lover. That's how it all started, they were co-workers with a shared interest. That and my husband being an idiot and the victim of a very cunning evil person. Anyway, if he truly loves you and wants the relationship to work then quitting the band is the least he can do. Talent or not, it is toxic and you will never feel safe.
When I say war, I mean you have to see the cheater as a belligerent. He destroyed all your lives. That's war. He must surrender unconditionally. No terms. you don't have to be hostile to him. in fact, the 180 is exactly what you were talking about...just go on living YOUR life. The price of quitting the band is nothing compared to losing his wife and children.
Good luck.

.

[This message edited by user4578 at 8:27 PM, Tuesday, August 20th]

The roller coaster of hell. I’m so sorry. Start journaling and keep track of questionable events. Funny how infidelity can change your past.
Good luck, we are all here for you.