SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just received mine from Amazon yesterday and started reading this morning. Only made it through the intro and was already triggering. Based on everyone's comments I know this is going to be a challenging read. WW is ready to read it as well. As she had the A with a COW that started out as "just friends" it sounds like it will really hit the points needed. Praying it gets her the rest of the way out of the fog and completely opens her eyes to that fact that there is zero chance of them ever working their way back to being "friends". I've spoke with the AP and told him in no uncertain terms that there is no possibility of "friendship" with her in the future which is said he completely understood and respected.

For those that are open to faith based we also read "Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity" which was really good for us. That was purchased and started within first 10 days after D-Day.

My husband and I both read it. It was REALLY triggery for both of us but incredibly eye opening. It helped us A LOT in our case in recognizing where boundaries were weak and building those up.

I ask WS to read it. He never did. Still sitting on his desk. Maybe someday he will read it

D-day was March 21, 2018. I'm 73, she's 68. Married 45 years.

I discovered W's yearlong EA with a high school boyfriend. It was initiated by email correspondence about their forthcoming high school reunion in August 2018.

I'm an obsessive researcher. Discovered "Not 'Just Friends'" on Amazon, bought it, and downloaded onto our two kindles.

We both read it immediately (as retirees we had the time) and discussed it and read and highlighted passages for each other. It speaks more or less directly to the nature, genesis, and motivation for her EA. For us the book has been relevant to our particular situation and to us. Wife's A was a textbook case of a "Not 'Just Friends'" EA. Over the course of a year she opened "windows" to OM and built "walls" in her relationship with me.

Also highly relevant to her A are Nancy Kalish's writings (Google them) about "rekindling" a relationship with an old "flame" from high school and the danger of attending high school reunions without one's spouse. WS's A was a textbook case of this.

Things are still difficult, but starting to look brighter.

I should add that one way "Not 'Just Friends'" falls short is that it does not adequately represent exactly how devastating the discovery of an affair -- even an EA -- is to the BS. As many posts on this website indicate, it's much worse than Shirley Glass says. And she's too sanguine about how much time recovery takes. She says something like it's usually as much as two years. Many contributors to this site it's more likely 2-5 years.

I read it. Twice. The first time, I found it triggering and felt like I maybe missed things as a result. The second time, I absorbed a lot more of it.

I asked my WS to read it. She started well, we talked a lot about walls/windows (I actually hated this analogy and didn't get it but it resonated with her) but then she gave up later in the example story. She found it "reductionist."

I revived it in therapy, and she would start reading it again, but then find something else to do.

Eventually, I gave up.

And then way later, I actually find it a bit reductionist too and a bit too optimistic. I am very grateful to have read it when I did, as it helped me a lot, but I think it leaves the reader a little naive about the causes of infidelity.