SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

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Great article.

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One week into D and I question whether I did the right thing. Reading this and replaying the ugliness in my mind... yeah... it was the right thing as difficult as that is. Thanks!

My D-day was 12/14/16. I have been lurking on this site since about a week later, reading your stories, and trying to gain whatever helpful info i could. I wasn't sure that i would make an account, i don't know if i really want to tell my story just yet. After reading this post though, i had to make an account just to say thank you for posting this onlytime. I now know what i really need to look for from my WW to know that R is even possible. Thank you again.

You're welcome Thomas.

It was this article that helped me to realize that my FWH was truly contrite. Prior to finding it I really struggled to understand what it meant and what it looked like.

I hope you'll stick around and share your story (when you are ready). I am glad you found SI.

☺

Bumping for anyone new that may find it helpful.

onlytime - thank you so much for posting this; it is so helpful.

This:

A person’s genuine willingness and commitment to make amends is always accompanied by plan of action to accomplish precisely those ends. In short, a person’s actions always speak louder than their words or even their emotional expressions. And I’m not talking about demonstrative gestures that make good impressions on others like going back to church or getting religion once again. The contrite person conducts themselves in a fundamentally different manner than they historically have. They might not do so perfectly or every time. But they evidence a constant effort toward reforming their conduct, and when they fall short they readily admit it and do their best to get back on course.

This is the point I keep trying to make to my WS who is very smooth with his words and is outwardly doing everything right for R. But it is my WS's core that worries me because the issues that allowed him to A have not been addressed AND I have witnessed similar patterns after the A as before it, about which he cannot admit.

Sigh...

Bump.

Thank you for the read.

Thanks Onlytime,

For some the original desire for contrition may exist, but the wayward may not necessarily be able to do the work.

Unfortunately for me,

XOXO

Bumping for anyone that may find the article helpful.

I was hoping someone would bump this thread. I had thought about it just a couple of days ago, and this gives me the opportunity to book mark it.

:)

Bump

Bump.

Thank you. Very helpful.

Not a newbie but found this reassuring today. Thanks for the bump!

I read this again this morning and I'd like to give some encouraging words to newbies.

In the beginning, my husband was regretful. He was a little remorseful, but a lot regretful. Then as we worked through things he was more remorseful than regretful and eventually contrition entered the picture. What I'm saying is that it wasn't a one day thing for him that it just clicked. For some it could be. For my FWS he had to work through all of the justifications and minimizations of the A. He had to debunk all of the fantasy and reground his life. As that was happening contrition was becoming closer too. During this time, just as the article says, he was not perfect with his acts of contrition. I'm not suggesting he was deceitful in anyway. I'm suggesting at times he fumbled to react the right way. But he remained diligent and dedicated. To me- that is what I needed.

It was nice to read this this morning to be reminded of how far we've come.

I am marking this article to read later. I am going to be out of the office later today, and it will be a good time to read it.

[This message edited by unbelievable24 at 11:27 AM, July 18th (Tuesday)]