annb ( member #22386) posted at 4:05 AM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2011
Thinkingtoomuch ( member #31765) posted at 1:54 PM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2011
I have read the Tactical Primer. Haven't given up completely yet on R but working towards it.
My ex fiance of 8 yrs. is still in the fog of 1+ yr. A. He is now living 600 mi. away altho, OW has condo 150 mi.away and the 600 mi.
He got all remorseful with me and was talking "maybe R-thinking about it", 2 weekends (3?) in a row when she broke up with him and then was out of touch for 2-3 days in a row.
So when he calls he sounds all down, knows he'd be making a commitment to me if he moved back here. But the down is really because he's upset she is out of contact and he's sad and upset and freaking out.
I don't answer the phone for a couple days when he calls. I've done 180 since the beginning. But since we're not married, I don't feel like I have any leverage or right to tell him to stop the A, or to tell his friends what has happened. I found out about the A 6.5 weeks ago.
By the way, he only calls me on Fri. or the weekend, not during the week. Just a couple months ago and for the whole engagement 8 years he called every day.He loves to talk. So he must be talking to her everyday still. I figure he's getting his feeling connected/cared for needs met from me when she's not available.
Easter Sunday he mentioned R again. I told him he needed to stop contact with her. That it was like an addiction and that talking to an IC could help. He actually agreed. But he probably won't cuz of the FOG.
So any ideas about what to do if you're not legally married,no financial or legal backup,but had a loving joined at the hip relationship before? 1+yr is a long time for an A and it really ruined our relationship for that time and put me in a bad light. Hence there are those negative memories he has of us while he deliberatly set me up. It does feel helpless but am trying to stay positive.
I am at the point after all my pain and reading so many posts of just letting them have ea. other. But there's still that piece of that says 'maybe, just maybe...'
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 8:04 AM, April 27th (Wednesday)]
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 2:29 AM on Saturday, April 30th, 2011
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:45 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2011
broken~soul ( member #32029) posted at 5:30 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2011
That is VERY HELPFUL information for Newbies! Thank you 
BS- me
WH- in denial
d-day #1 2000- no confession...
d-day #2 2011- discovered still in contact with OW #1, still no confession...
d-day #3 In the works- just come to my senses and figured out that there is possibly OC in the mix now.
bufffalo ( member #21854) posted at 5:42 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2011
seeker2010 ( member #31552) posted at 6:37 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2011
Can this have a sticky or tack applied to it so it stays at the top? I didn't find it until just today. I could have used a lot of this information before. Thanks!
annb ( member #22386) posted at 10:28 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2011
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 2:41 AM on Sunday, May 15th, 2011
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
annb ( member #22386) posted at 7:30 PM on Tuesday, May 17th, 2011
annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:47 PM on Saturday, May 21st, 2011
nooneeverthought ( member #20157) posted at 11:09 PM on Wednesday, May 25th, 2011
it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you
annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:01 PM on Thursday, May 26th, 2011
bumped by request! 
LAFA ( member #31868) posted at 8:43 PM on Friday, May 27th, 2011
Bump.
When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.
Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 7:17 AM on Saturday, May 28th, 2011
The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008
Rise_Above ( member #23674) posted at 6:49 AM on Monday, June 6th, 2011
You can live the way you believe this is your opportunity to let your life be one that lights the way~F.Battistelli
*****
God's hand was an avocado branch
Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 3:35 AM on Tuesday, June 14th, 2011
The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 2:38 PM on Wednesday, June 15th, 2011
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 4:04 AM on Thursday, June 16th, 2011
The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 4:47 AM on Saturday, June 18th, 2011
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
