SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sir, I want to congratulate you on becoming a chopper pilot! That had to have taken a phenomenal amount of strength to finish the course under the circumstances. That's true grit, brother.

This old navy vet (four years) says: Thank you for your service!

Maybe therapy might help you. After 30+ years, I kind of doubt that you'll get much out of it, unless you can find one who's BTDT. Same with MC. I've read enough horror stories here to know that MCs are generally subpar regarding infidelity.

My reco would be to simply tell your wife that you've been struggling lately and need her help. There's nothing wrong with that at all, IMO.

Asterisk, sounds like our wives deal with this in similar fashion. My wife and I have a good relationship despite what happened. She’s definitely not the same person she was 33 years ago, she knows she did wrong but we don’t talk about it. I will always hurt from it but I imagine everyone on here hurts!
I always have questions for her but every year that goes by they seem less important. I won’t threaten divorce to get them answered, I should’ve held her feet to the fire 33 years ago but not today. She’ll answer them if I persist.
The woman I see today teaching her grandchildren how to paint and sew is a different woman, I’m a different man too.
I won’t drag her to MC but I might try IC since several folks on here thought it might help me, after going it alone for so long it will be tough.
I was kind of surprised about the cowardly comment too but to each their own!
Thanks for posting Asterisk, I value your opinion!

Unhinged, yes it was extremely difficult under those circumstances. I truly believe it was a miracle from God that I completed the course!

It was challenging enough with a clear mind lol.

Thank you for your service too!

"My reco would be to simply tell your wife that you've been struggling lately and need her help. There's nothing wrong with that at all, IMO".

The above comment is excellent advice.

I had actually buried this so darn good 33 years ago that it seldom bothered me then triggering 2 years ago brought it all back to the surface. I know it’s because I/we didn’t deal with it correctly but finding SI after my trigger has helped tremendously. Plus the poems!!

BTW, you’re pretty cool for being Navy :)

[This message edited by 31RS at 11:53 PM, Wednesday, August 5th]

I'm not big on consequences.

That couldn’t be more clear. You’ll be encouraged a new (not really, but…) wave of politicians are demanding we get rid of prisons. Because… consequences: BAD!

She’s not the same person, I truly believe person she is now wouldn’t commit adultery.

Maybe so, but she IS the person RIGHT NOW who refuses to talk to you about this, even knowing (since she’s read at least one book) that doing so would HELP you tremendously.

So don’t call it a consequence. Call it a boundary if it makes the peanut gallery feel better. Set a boundary of "I will not forever stay with an adulterous wife who refuses to talk about it, knowing that’s exactly what I need to heal".

gr8ful, I understand where your coming from. My wife isn’t refusing to talk she just doesn’t want to but as I mentioned earlier she will talk if I ask her to and I will because being on SI has given me a better idea of what questions to ask.

The only time she’s answered questions was 2 years ago when I triggered but I missed some good questions because this was her first time answering questions since her affair 31 years prior and I was needing any info she would give me after 31 years of imagining the worse!

My questions 2 years ago were - why?, when?, where?, why him, if not him would it have been somebody else? How many times? Since it was to punish me did she do things with him that she didn’t with me? Did she think of me when she was with him? Why didn’t she divorce me instead if she was this unhappy? Will she do it again?

So I missed some important questions but we’ll sit down soon and I’ll ask her those other questions. I’ll let everyone know how that goes.