Married 18 yrs, together 25+. D-day: 2/18/07. 1 child The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

New info after all these years….upsetting

Dang, after all these years I thought I was done posting here but apparently not. This is the only place I feel safe sharing my feelings.

My wonderful DH (#2), my DD and I just moved. Today my DH found a small locked box that we had tossed in with cleaning supplies when we emptied the old garage. Since we didn’t have a key, he just broke the lock. Inside was a handwritten letter to XH from another man. This man, whose name I never heard in the 26 years we were together, wrote about what an incredible person XH was and how he was "fulfilled" by him and loved him so deeply. He mentioned XH’s age in the letter which means it was written 32 years ago. After we were together for over 10 years already and a couple years before DD was born. I didn’t think there was anything about that could still rattle me after all these years but I guess I was wrong.

The year prior to our divorce it was clear to me that, although he was having an affairs with other women, he was really enamored with a gay man. I must admit that as I reflected on the past, I wasn’t all that surprised.

This letter though really threw me for a loop. I feel shaken and ill. Were all 26 years together a lie? What else did he hide? I can’t even begin to imagine. Or maybe I can. I just feel sick and want to cry but I can’t. My supportive DH told me to "let it go" and it’s history, so to not upset him I’m not talking about…much. Which is why I’m here. I’m not looking for sympathy. I think I just need a place to vent.

Thank you for listening.

7 comments posted: Thursday, January 4th, 2024

Parental Alienation - please help!

Old timer here now seeking help for my dear stepson(DSS) and grandkids. Seeking advice on how to handle parental alienation and possibly leads for professional assistance in SoCal.

DSS has been in the process of divorcing his adulterous STBXW for a few years now. The major delay has been due to the California courts having been closed for a period of time because of Covid and the court calendars being clogged.

DSS has 2 young children whom he adores. He is a genuinely good dad. He lives alone in a modest home with nice bedrooms for each of the kids. STBXW continues to live with the kids and her mother in the original family home. The mother has lived with them for many years.

The older child has been seeing a therapist for anxiety issues. STBXW is also a client of this therapist and has convinced the therapist that she is a victim and my DSS is a monster. Familiar story? She's NPD all the way. It's amazing this therapist bought into it.

On a daily basis the children are told by both their mother and grandmother that the father is a bad person. They berate the father in front of the children at every opportunity. For example, the children have sports events/practices that they attend during the week. Both parents often attend. DSS sits in a different area in order to avoid conflict. The grandmother, his STBXMIL, calls him names under her breath but loud enough for the children to hear. Separately, the STBXW pulls the children away from DSS when they are in his custody so they will stay near her and demands their attention. The children have been told directly that there will be "consequences" if they talk with their father. Another example is when the kids went to an amusement park after the dad bought them annual passes. They had a great time and told their mother about it. The mother responded by telling the kids they would die if they went on any rides and that the dad wasn't taking good care of them by letting them go on rides. This is a major theme park he took them to, not a little traveling carnival set up on a street corner.

The parents are encouraged to speak with the kids by phone during their non custodial days. When STBXW calls, DSS puts the kids on the phone and gives them a private place to talk as per court order. When DSS calls the kids, she either ignores the calls and doesn't tell the kids the dad called, or she tells the kids to say they don't want to talk to the dad, or she distracts the kids while they are on the call. One day she even told the younger child that she couldn't finish her dinner (it would be taken away) if she got on the phone with her dad.

STBXW is an elementary school teacher who has studied child development. Her knowledge of how to manipulate young children makes her evil.

STBXW has a very aggressive female attorney, not unlike herself, and the judge seems swayed in her direction. Comments and requests by DSS are generally dismissed.

Advice will be greatly appreciated. If anyone has leads on professionals in the Southern California area who can help that would be appreciated also.

5 comments posted: Friday, September 16th, 2022

iPhone Find Friends location finder question

Does anyone know if the phone has to be in use for the iPhone Find Friends app to work? My DD is non verbal and developmentally delayed. She recently started a new program and I want to be able to put a phone in her backpack so I will know where she is. It's not that I don't trust the staff at the new place, I just don't yet know them well enough to feel 100% at ease.

4 comments posted: Monday, May 2nd, 2016