Awkward or uninterested? A general question.
I was recently in a situation where I couldn't figure out if a man was awkward/terrified of rejection or just not interested. For the future, it'd be helpful to be able to know the difference before wasting time and energy, lol.
Women: Do you assume he's not interested and walk away to save your dignity? Or do you try to take the lead and do the initiating because you're hopeful that things can develop eventually?
Men: if you're not able to be blunt, how do you show a woman you're not interested? How would a woman know to take the lead if you are interested and just shy?
6 comments posted: Sunday, February 28th, 2021
Valentine's Day in the very very beginning
If you're in the very early stages with someone - as in, have only been talking every few days for about a month, have only gone out once or twice, and haven't had any physical contact - would you have expected any acknowledgement of Valentine's Day?
If so, what would you have expected? A card? Small gift? A "Happy Valentines Day" text or call?
If there wasn't any acknowledgement, would you take that a sign that the other party wasn't very interested in taking things further?
6 comments posted: Monday, February 15th, 2021
The latest in my saga - I'm done trying to figure it out
For those that have followed my recent posts with my neighborhood guy (he specifically told me was interested in dating, then barely responded to some casual texts I sent him the next two days, which left me confused).
After posting on here, I didn't initiate contact again since he seemed like he had some change of mind. On Wednesday night he sent me a text asking how my week was going, said that he has been busy at work (he does have a very demanding job), and we had a nice conversation. Thursday came and went with no communication (fine with me; I certainly don't think an everyday check in is necessary). Last night I sent him a text that referenced something we spoke about the last time we talked, and he responded back with a one word reply - an hour after I sent the text. I then sent him a text asking how his meeting went at work, and....crickets. No response.
I thought I shouldn't expect him to do all of the reaching out because then he wouldn't think I was interested. I thought 'taking turns' initiating contact would be an adult thing to do? Did I come off as annoying? Desperate? Clingy? I only ever tried to make conversation; I certainly never asked him to change his Facebook status or something 
.
But anyway....this is too much work, obviously. I'm a grown woman and I have no desire to be trying to understand wtf someone is thinking or why they're doing the things they do.
BUT - come on, is this what dating is like?? Someone tells you their interested and then decided they're not within a couple days?? Is everyone this weird and complicated with not being obvious in what they want/don't want?
I'm thankful that I really only wasted a couple weeks with this crap, but my guard is back up and I'm back in the "I don't need anyone" phase again.
12 comments posted: Saturday, January 16th, 2021
I was so excited, but now I'm feeling sad
Long story short: over the summer, a guy in my neighborhood and I started casually exchanging FB messages. On Christmas, he sent me a 'Merry Christmas' message and we started talking a little more regularly. On New Years Eve, he asked me if he could stop by to ring in the New Year. I was home hanging out with my kids, so I declined and asked for a raincheck. After seeking advice here, I extended the rain check three days later, by asking if he wanted to get coffee one morning before he went to work (he works nights), or on his day off. He responded back with "sure, as soon as my work schedule settles down because we have a lot of guys out due to Covid". Seemed perfectly reasonable.
The on Friday night we started texting. After a few hours, he came out with "It's been a really long time since I wanted to date someone and I would love to pursue that with you. I'm not good at saying this stuff, etc, but I really like you, etc". I told him I was flattered and that I would like to get to know him better, and that was that for the night.
The next day I texted him and tried to make small talk but the exchange only went back and forth 5 or 6 times. The day after that I again initiated texting him, and the exchange went back and forth 2 or 3 times. So now......what do I do?
For someone who said they were interested just 2 days ago, he certainly doesn't seem interested now - quite the opposite actually. Do I stop initiating contact and see if he reaches out? Do I assume that maybe he was a little tipsy when he sent the 'I'm interested' messages and now he's had a change of mind? I know he's had days off since I extended the coffee rain check (I mean, he does live in my neighborhood), so if he was interested you'd think he would have taken me up on my offer - although I'm sure he could have had something else to do and that's fine; it bothers me more that he's been so pretty much MIA for the past two days after his huge declaration.
Shouldn't it not be this complicated when we're adults? I remember this stuff from when I was a teenager - shouldn't it be more straightforward in adulthood?
7 comments posted: Monday, January 11th, 2021
Who extends the raincheck?
Long story short: I started bumping into a guy in my neighborhood over the summer when I'd see him doing yardwork while I was out walking. We made smalltalk a few times, became FB friends, and would send PMs about things that were happening in the neighborhood, etc. He sent me a Merry Christmas message and we sent messages back and forth over the past few days. On NYE, around 10:30, he sent a message asking if I would like him to stop by with wine to ring in the new year (he could literally walk to my house in under 4 minutes). I thanked him but told him I was in my pajamas with my kids and asked for a raincheck. He shortly said "I'd like that", and that was that.
So now....what? Should I extend an offer to do something since I was the one who declined his initial invitation? What the heck would I suggest, especially during Covid? If it were summer, I'd suggest meeting to go for a walk so we could just talk and social distance, but it's winter. I'm not comfortable going to a restaurant given the pandemic. Or do I wait for him to send another invitation - which will also show if he's really interested and not just lonely And looking to good up on NYE?
Edited to add: he works afternoon/evenings, so if I were the one to suggest something, it would need to be something on a weekday morning.
7 comments posted: Friday, January 1st, 2021
I like this boy. Maybe. I'm too old for this
There's a single guy that lives in my cul de sac. He's lived here for about 5 years, and my kids and I go for nightly walks past his house. He works in the evenings, so I only see him on his two off days, and even then it's only when he happens to be outside when I'm out for a walk. (I've never talked to him or really noticed him until recently.) One evening over the summer I yelled out "Hello!" when he was sitting on his porch when I walked by, and from then on we'd exchange hellos whenever he was out when I went past. Last week he was outside doing yard work and after we said hello, we started talking about the leaves falling, and then other random small talk for about a half hour. I didn't see him again for a few days, and then on Monday he was outside when I walked by and we talked again for another half hour. The next night he was back out and we chatted for 20 minutes, and I sent him a friend request on Facebook.
But like...now what? What do you do if you'd like to get to know someone? I feel like if he had any interest in getting to know me better, I'd be able to tell, and the only vibe I'm getting from him is that he's being neighborly - I mean it's not like I look my best when I'm out walking every night. I wouldn't know how to make a first move, and even if I did, it would be super uncomfortable and embarrassing to be turned down since he's my neighbor and our cul de sac is about as gossipy as they come 
.
I feel like an idiot even posting this on here. What am I - a middle school girl? Ugh.
11 comments posted: Thursday, October 1st, 2020
Background reports
Is there a way to get a background report on someone? Something that would show their addresses, where they've worked, etc? I mean I know this type of thing exists for companies that are hiring, but is it possible to do if your just a regular person? And is it possible to do without the subject ever knowing? Obviously you'd have to pay, which makes me feel like there'd be no way to remain truly anonymous, if getting this type of report is even possible.
2 comments posted: Wednesday, May 6th, 2020
