Married 12/2001; child born 9/2004; D-Day 5/21/10 Still hurts like hell Thought we had R; new D-Day 6/11/23; 9/25/23

I just need to talk to someone.

I don't have anyone to talk to about my husband's "newest" affair. She was a friend of mine and is his best friend's wife. I haven't confided this to anyone as I feel ashamed it happened right under my nose and I was dumb enough to think it was over between them. Her husband has no idea this has all happened. I don't want to bring this pain to him as I do care for him (friendship only) and he has been a part of my life for a long time (predating his wife). I know I should tell him but this will have consequences far beyond just potentially ending their marriage. Anyway, I don't have a support system. I don't want to bring this to family. I'm really not close with my family and they think I should have left him after the first affair (another source of shame for me is admitting it has happened again). I'm close to my sister-in-law but don't want to talk to her about it either because that's his family. My best friend (really my only friend), is of the philosophy "once a cheater, always a cheater". Again, shame for staying and allowing this to happen.

I am in a constant state of anxiety. It is to the point that my heart is out of rhythm and I've had to undergo monitoring and a stress test. I have ALL the emotions going on. I can go from okay to rage in seconds and then crying. I am sick to my stomach and cannot eat. I really hate myself right now. I don't see my worth. It doesn't help that she is 15 years younger than me (he could be her father), blonde hair, blue eyed. Everything I am not.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I just needed to get something out there.

33 comments posted: Saturday, September 30th, 2023