WS and I together 31 years.

Two kids 26/23

You’ve been nothing but a bitch to him for 30 years.

So I’ve been with my WH for 31 years married for 29 years. Yesterday was our anniversary! Yes thanks for the well wishes

So we’ve been going through a lot. All 4 of our parents have gotten sick in the last few years. His dad died last January. He was given 3-6 months to live and died around the 6 month mark :( during those 6 months though my WS and I were really close and although he was staying at his parents during the week when he came home we loved on each other and talked and were close and connected.

After his dad died, he was always a heavy drinker, his drinking started escalating. In June my son and I went on a trip and my WS had people over for a pool party, His friends. I noticed one of his clients who had started hanging out with them was there and I noticed on our home camera she tried to avoid the camera. Since that day I’ve had my back up about her.

My marriage and my WS slowly seemed to be going downhill. Again his drinking was off the charts and he was behaving in such an erratic manner. He left me twice to go stay in a hotel between this January and April. Each time leaving for a weekend but coming back wanting the marriage to work.

At some point I saw that he called this woman at 1am . I confronted him he said it was a butt dial but something didn’t sit right with me. So I Called her and confronted her , my WS was standing there as I did it. She answered and I asked her why would my spouse be calling her at 1am she said "I don’t know I didn’t get the phone call" which is true she didn’t answer and then I asked her why would he be calling her at 1am she reiterated she didn’t know and then said "I wouldn’t be with someone who made me fee like he’s making you feel" or something like that , so condescending. I hung up and my WS said "see I told you now stop this nonsense".

FF to May where other weird things were happening like I’d show up at the bar to pick him up and he would be there with his friends but so was she. Like WTF??? He always said she was friends with everyone and he didn’t invite her and couldn’t control it and she was always trying to be friendly with me. Like phony friendly. I can’t explain it. (He was hammered I mean hammered)

Another time I went with him as his cousin was performing in a band. I get to the hall and our other friends are there and there is this OW. Again trying to be friendly. But fake friendly. So my WS again drunk proceeds to ask everyone Including her if they want a drink; but not me. So I got mad when he came back with something for everyone but Me. The evening got ugly at that point and i again confronted him about this woman and why she’s always there. He said he didn’t invite her (that turned out to be true) but he was so mad I was there. (This is one of the times he left for a weekend cause the Fight was so escalated by him and his drunkenness he left).

So in May, we had plans to watch a hockey game together at the bar with his friends. He was golfing all day and I was doing things as well. We were in touch all day and we were both happy. Then as it got closer to game time he started acting aloof. He kind of lied to me where he was but I could see from Find Me he was at the Location we had decided to meet at with his friends.

So I called him to see what he’d say, he was drunk and proceeded to fight with me and tell me not to come to the bar and if I showed up he would leave. It was just such an outrageous thing cause everything was fine during the day. My antenna went up and I said "f that I’m showing up there". The second I walked into the bar his whole demeanour changed. He ended up going to the washroom for a long time and I knew he was calling someone.

Turns out he Called that OW prior to me arriving and then called her while he was in the washroom probably to tell her not to come (again he was hammered). He also called an Uber and took off on me and all of his friends. One of the wives told me some things I didn’t know like her and her husband were wondering why she was always around and who was calling her to come and why she always showed up to drive WS home from the bar.

I guess he met up with her and didn’t come home Til 3am. Sober. She dropped him. I didn’t know this but lied and said I saw her so he never admitted it but didn’t deny it either.

We got into a huge fight that morning . He just became someone I’ve never seen before I was even worried the fight would get so much worse. He just wasn’t someone I felt like I knew. I can’t explain it. To me at the time it felt like exhaustion and alcohol. He just was a different person.

He left and has been gone since. This has been since beginning of May. When he first left he told me he loves me but not the same and wants me to find happiness and doesn’t want to be with me. Slowly it’s transitioned to "I do love you and I just need to find peace". This whole time he’s denied any doings with this lady he said he Called her and yes It was wrong etc etc etc.

My oldest and my WS has a falling outs 3 years ago over drunken behaviour from my WS , my WS also told off my youngests fiancé in a drunken stupor and my youngest almost severed ties with him as well. (Both boys live at home so I know my WS is devastated that he feels he’s lost his oldest).

This entire time I’ve thought this was because of drinking. He refuses to admit he has a problem and now it seems maybe he’s reduced his alcohol intake. BUT things have been ruminating in my head. Yesterday he told me "you’re my person and I miss my family". Then later in the evening he was an ass. He refuses to see me I’ve only seen him three times in the last month and a half. He doesn’t call me BUT when I text him he always engages and will argue and discuss things as nauseam because I can be relenting in my questioning because this whole thing is confusing. He swears there’s no one else; this is entire time I’ve thought alcohol was his mistress and I’ve been working under that premise.

So this morning at 6am my early bird WS messaged me to apologize for being an ass in texts last night . Then he said "I’m dozing off I’ll text you later" when I tried to converse longer. I knew in that moment he was with someone. So I finally got in my car and drove out to where he has been staying. (He moved from a hotel that he stayed at for weeks to an apartment citing its month to month and half the price of staying in a hotel).

I waited and then I decided I was going to go rummage through his car. I didn’t find anything. So as I start walking back. I see him round the corner with her beside him. I just lost all rational thought and took off towards them screaming "I thought you were dozing huh??? Nothing going on huh??? You slut!" And as I’m saying this my WS I thought was coming to hold me back just walked past me and got in his car and left me and her to duke?? It out I guess.

I confronted her and I was ready to fight . She said "do it I dare you" (she’s a lawyer). I then said something like "that’s my husband "

To which she replied "no he’s not he left you…" then she said which really devastated me, her face reminded me of my WS face the day he left… the venom in her eyes she said "you’ve been nothing But a bitch to him for 30 years. Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch and a bad person he’d still be with you". I wasn’t thinking clearly and said something like "we are married and trying to work things out want to see our texts" she said "ok" so I started walking towards my car then I said "ok come on you wanted to see them" and

Then she said something like "I saw your car pull up I knew you were here". I don’t know what that had to do with anything so I kept saying well you said you wanted to see the texts.

It was all a blur and I sound like an 18 year old ready to rumble in the parking lot. Every time I went towards her I stopped myself and she would cross her hands in front of her. I didn’t give her the satisfaction.

And as odd as it sounds worse then verifying my suspicions is I can’t get it out of my head "you’ve been nothing but a bitch to him for 30 years". I’m not a Perfect person but just hearing her say his thoughts has devastated me. I got in my car and left and I’ve been crying ever since. If I was such a bitch why did you stay for 30

Years?

Thanks for listening/reading.

18 comments posted: Monday, June 24th, 2024