BS-me 40
WH-41
Too many DDs to count.

Valentines Day

How do you handle Valentine’s Day? I have a feeling if I don’t get him something he will try and use it against me with the kids. He is in complete denial of any wrongdoing on his part this time because it wasn’t physical and he’s doing lots of stuff for show. Posting on my Facebook how wonderful I am and how thankful he is to have me, but refusing to go to MC. Then turning around and says he’s the only one fighting to save the marriage.

2 comments posted: Friday, February 9th, 2024

First steps

How do I make the first steps? I’ve been a stay at home mom for the past 16 years. I have no income. How do I consult an attorney with no way to pay? I just started back to school full time. How do I protect myself and 5 kids?

9 comments posted: Thursday, January 18th, 2024

Children

I’m so hurt. My older 3 children are texting about the possibility of D. They think I’m the reason for D, but they don’t know about any of the affairs. How much do you tell kids? I tried to have a family meeting and my 8 year old (who doesn’t have a phone) was the only one who would talk/ ask questions. WS said absolutely nothing.

1 comment posted: Monday, January 1st, 2024

I don’t know what I want

It sucks being back here. Part of me just wants to throw in the towel. I’m so tired. I’m tired of wondering if it will be like last time…. Where I think I know everything about the affair(s) and then something else is exposed. Is it really just an emotional affair? Is it really over? They are coworkers so how do I stop worrying about them working together? Then there’s the work I’m supposed to do. Going back and reading all the topics in the healing library is throwing me back to the first time I came here. I know there’s differences between then and now, but it’s like ripping off a bandage that the wound has already grown over. Then there’s the fact that we really don’t get along right now. He says I don’t communicate, but whenever I try to communicate with him he gets mad. For example we had a total loss of property. The insurance adjuster came and gave me a quote. I tell him about the quote and ask him which direction he wants to go. He wavers and doesn’t make up his mind. Next day I bring it up again, he still doesn’t know. Next day I say ok would you like option A or B and he snaps at me that I’m pressuring him! Well duh. I have to get contractors lined up to submit bids. They can’t submit bids if they don’t know what jobs need to be done, but if I make the decisions he’ll throw it back in my face that I don’t communicate with him. Sooo over this right now. I wish I could just go sit on a beach with my toes in the sand and a drink in my hand.

11 comments posted: Friday, December 29th, 2023

Denial

I need help. My WH is having an EA with a coworker and neither of them see it. My WH says she’s like a little sister, and he turned to her for marriage advice because her ex had an affair. Her advice was to take me on spontaneous dates. Which is all well and great except we have 5 kids and we can’t just spontaneously go on a date and leave them to fend for themselves…. So then I became the bad guy for not wanting to go on dates. It then turned into him running to her for everything. He’s also offered to help her financially, even though we are struggling. She will text him while she’s on a date and he’ll ask what underwear she’s wearing. They both say I love you to each other, but it’s just a brotherly/sisterly love🙄 I have told WH how I feel and he goes with the am I ever going to get over the past? I told him I couldn’t/ wouldn’t go through another affair and was thinking divorce might be the answer after all. The next night he gets into an accident at work. She’s the one that calls to tell me. She’s there at the hospital. She comforts my kids when I bring them to the hospital. She blames herself for the accident because if she had been there he would have been more careful. He has to be transferred to a trauma center. I ask for his personal belongings and she will not give them to me. Says she doesn’t want the kids to see the blood. Still don’t have his personal belongings now that he is home. My oldest started to say things like don’t be mad at her she’s just trying to help. So I messaged her and told her that I wasn’t mad at her and that the divorce talks were because of WH crossing the line. That somehow got turned into me calling her a whore and that she would be severing ties with WH and switching shifts. WH was furious and pouted because he lost a really good friend. WH tells me I need to apologize! I try to contact her and suggest a meeting between the 3 of us so we can be adults and move on. I have heard nothing from her, but WH is texting with her all hours of the day/night spilling his soul. When I barely get 5 words. He says he’s mad at me because I am not fighting for our marriage, and it’s true. I don’t have any fight left. Do I want a divorce? No, but I also don’t want to fight with another woman for my husband…. How can I get him to see what is going on?

5 comments posted: Monday, December 18th, 2023