I wish I could induce amnesia
Looking for thinking of old timers here.
So last night I woke up at 3 am from a disturbing dream. I dreamed I spotted my AP with a mutual friend in the street. At first I pretended I had not seen her. As dreams go it morphs into us hugging. Then she retreats from me without a word. I had feelings of rejection. I awoke feeling I don't know what.
That's it. Keep in mind we have not spoken or communicated in any way for over 8 years. She lives 2000 miles away.
I spent the day thinking back to the good, the bad and the ugly. And generally feeling guilty. And revisiting the NC moments. This is maybe the second or third time I had a dream like this in the last 3 years or so.
I totally get that we are supposed to block our AP from our thoughts and are supposed to be indifferent. Obviously that is not where I'm at, at least today.
Is this normal? Seriously, if I could do a spotless mind thing, I would do it.
This is really bothering me. Should it? I feel guilty just posting this. Anyone out there have this happen?
7 comments posted: Wednesday, May 26th, 2021
