Stayed at the cost of my own self respect?
It's been 12 years.
Something that has haunted me the last 6 or so years is the idea that I stayed with her at the cost of my own self respect. I've really kind of had this feeling to some degree since the beginning but more so in the last 6 years, and only this year was I able to put a description on it.
One of my options at the time was loyalty to her and the vows that I made. Also encapsulated in this option were the happier memories from our past, and the hopes for what I believed our relationship could still be.
The problem is that knowing the things I know, and also knowing there are things I don't know, I just have a really hard time respecting myself for staying. She was an awful partner at the time, and my decision to stay almost feels like saying "hey, it's ok that you treated me that way."
17 comments posted: Monday, September 9th, 2024
