Calm, quiet, the after-divorce reflection and reality
My divorce was final in May 21. My, has it been a nice, quiet, calm and smooth 8 months.
Oh, there have been issues ... with my kids, the ones living with me still (16, 26), but NOTHING from the ex-WWW.
There is nothing to have contact with. She lives with her AP (Who is married still to another woman, and they all visit, and holiday together. Strange) but we rarely speak, text or have contact. I've physically seen her twice since divorce was final (And that final was via Zoom!), one when she picked up daughter for her 16th birthday and then for her Xmas (The ONLY times since the divorce she saw OUR youngest daughter).
Am I sad? No. Am I depressed? No. Am I happy? Yes.
At 67, two bad marriages (LOTS of cheating in both, a child not of my making in one), my life is dedicated to getting my 16yo thru high school and out on her own. AND, trying to launch my 26yo. THAT is the toughest one of these aspects left.
There has been some revision from the Ex-WWW: "Oh, we had such as good marriage!" B.S. I should have known better. Immature, self-centered, controlling. I was hurting, though, from ending a 10-year marriage that ended when I found one of my kids was not mine and that wife had been banging everything and anything for years. Devastated is understatement.
But, now, work, kids, relax. Only things that matter.
3 comments posted: Saturday, January 22nd, 2022
It Is Over
Nearly 30 years of marriage erased with the stroke of a pen. WELL, worth the wait. Took five years, but now, ONWARD!!!😉
Good luck to all of you still in the pipeline. This was a long time coming, but, now that it's here, THANK GOD! 
16 comments posted: Tuesday, May 25th, 2021
Just. About. Done
Had our family court hearing yesterday.
OUTCOME: Magistrate Recommends --The Magistrate finds the marriage to be irretrievably broken, and
recommends that it shall be dissolved.
Waived the 15 day exception rule.
SO< by middle of next week, God willing and creek don't rise, The decree will be signed and I SHALL BE FINALLY DIVORCED!!!!!!
Child custody: MINE
Any support: NONE from me!
30-year marriage: OVER! 
9 comments posted: Saturday, May 15th, 2021
Another re-set
Finale should be May 12. Divorce court date. Doesn't look like anything will prevent it from happening.
So, if it goes according to Hoyle and the D is final mid-May, then what?
Second divorce (first time 11 years, this time 30 years).
SO, I'm 66 1/2. Five years into diagnosis of prostate cancer (doc says I'm good now, but the radiation left me with performance issues. Oh hell, ED), second wife almost gone, on the downside of a 45 year career, looking at retiring in three 1/2 years.
What happens now? I have a teen child going through high school, bills, an older child who's returned home, and a fulltime job I need to pay attention to. Do I need MORE on my plate? Do I WANT more on my plate? Maybe just coasting for now is the best bet. I don't know if I want or can have a conversation with any possible prospective new "companion" about my ability, or inability, to be intimate (them blue pills or their cousins don't work with me, eh). Like Simon and Garfunkel says, I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
I've done the counseling route, it did help. But, obviously my companion picker is broken or severely damaged. The last two times were disaster. My FIRST time with a GF was a disaster. I'll just satisfy myself with getting my teen kiddo through high school and off to college. Maybe I'll buy a small camper and just drive from child to child (there are three other older children out there as well) for the next few years, a-la Travels with Charley. That just might work.
4 comments posted: Friday, March 26th, 2021
Not at all sure about the future
Since my STBXW abdicated her throne and walked out of our (me, three kids at home, one out on her own) family, I have not tried to re-engage, especially since I am STILL legally and in the eyes of God, married. Yes, I went on two "DATES" with two separate people that were more like chat fests. I focused more on the three kids she left, two of which (now 15 and 25) still live with me. That I didn't (OR COULDN'T) file until this past August kind of put me in an on-hold position.
But, there's sill clouds on the horizon, despite the impending divorce resolution.
Shortly after she left me in 2016 I found I had cancer. Hours of testing, scoping, radiation and meds and it's in remission. But it left scars, ones guys don't really care to talk about (them blue thingys didn't work for me). Which means at my age (6 1/2 bells) I don't know if I care to or want to date once this is over. Maybe just get my youngest through HS and my other "launched" and then find a quiet little rental somewhere, retire, and then just read the rest of my life away.
No, these past 20 years (since before she left) have not been easy. She had SIX affairs (she' living with her last one, a still-married man with whom they celebrated Xmas WITH his still-wife and kids, geez), the cancer, my mom dying in 2015, one of our kids killed in 2016, losing our former family home in 2019 to foreclosure, and those are the highlights! lol. Anyway (Yes, I've been to counseling and it helped), I'm still working, keeping house, raising my kids, yadda, yadda, yadda. Just waiting for this marriage to legally be over but not so I can re-engage with someone else. My feeling is that after this, it's just a solo trip.
5 comments posted: Friday, January 1st, 2021
