fWW 40s, BH 40s D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs. I edit often to fix stuff ☺️ Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

Well this seriously sucks

Hi all. It’s been a good long while since I have checked in. Hope you are all doing well.

We have been doing really well. We are enjoying each other and have not had many triggers to deal with or any drama. As far as I knew…

Here comes the rest of it. We both had/have a group texting app that we downloaded quite a few years ago when we went on a trip with my daughter’s premed fraternity. She is a doctor now so It’s been quite a few years. I wasn’t using the app any more so I deleted it from my phone but never closed the account because it didn’t seem to matter. I never used the app to communicate with anyone privately nor did I use it ever for any nefarious purpose. I was asked to be on a board for my hobby society and they use the app to communicate among board members. So I downloaded the app again and was just communicating with the board.

Well I started looking at the messages and there were messages from me to all sorts of contacts in my phone. Contacts that I never actually added to the app or communicated with in the app. I sent the same message to every person and it looks like a link or something. I obviously didn’t open it because I’m tech dumb but not quite that dumb. Here is the shocking problem. I have the fAP phone number still in my phone so that I could block the number (not that fAP has ever tried to contact me to my knowledge). I have never ever never broken no contact since things ended in 2012. But as I was scrolling down the list I saw a message from fAP and fAP’s wife’s name. The message is from January of 2018. It says, "This is fAP wife. Don’t ever make any kind of contact with fAP." Apparently the app or maybe I was hacked or something sent this same link to their group me account while I did not even have the app downloaded on any device. Obviously I would not dream of replying even if it wasn’t 5 years later. But the sick feeling I have knowing what a horrible trigger that must have been for her and me just going about my clueless life knowing I have been completely nc since it all came out. I mean, I literally broke nc without ever knowing or suspecting I could have done any such thing. GROSS.

So Knight is out on his walk. The urge to rug sweep this since I didn’t actually do ANYTHING (except actually make the fucked up choices that caused all of these never ending consequences in the first place) is real. I’m so sad and disgusted that I’m going to once again bring him a miserable night. I’m going to do it. I so don’t want to though. He has been really happy. He has lost 65 pound and been working out on weights. He had to buy new clothes and his confidence has grown. He looks amazing and things have been going so well for him. I just want him to have this. The peace and the confidence and the control. It’s not fair and I feel myself getting smaller and smaller because it’s something I’m inflicting on him. Again. Let go of the outcome right?

I’m up for anything. 2x4s. Support. Helpful advice on how you would want this handled.

FML

19 comments posted: Friday, December 15th, 2023

I just realized I’m triggered

I posted in R because after 11 years I feel like we are there. I was worried about fAP’s wife having been triggered, then I started worrying about my H being triggered when I show/explain to him what has happened (I will explain it to y’all too in a minute), but I just decided I am triggered. So I needed to come to my people for support/advice.

Here’s the story: I downloaded a group messaging app more than a decade ago that H and I both used while we were on an international trip with our daughter’s premed fraternity. After the trip I didn’t really use the app so at some point I deleted it but never closed my account. I redownloaded the app and opened the account recently to use for a board that I am on. I noticed there were some messages on there from 5 years ago where "I" had messaged a bunch on random people (even some businesses) who were contacts in my phone but not contacts I had in the app. Some people replied "did you mean to send me this". It appears that I messaged a bunch of random people some link that I did not open because I’m sure it’s some kind of malware or something. Anyway I was a bit embarrassed that this had happened and as I’m scrolling through looking at all the people I had lamely messaged a bad link to a saw a message from fAP/fAP’s wife. It said, "this is (fAP’s wife name). Don’t ever make any kind of contact with fAP." My first feeling was shock, then disbelief, then horror at the trigger that must have been, and then dread, disgust, denial, etc because I need to tell Knight about it. I have mostly focused on what it will do to Knight and I do need to take care. But I have come here to y’all because this has brought me to a really dark, gross, yucky place. I mean we have been cruising along doing really well and bam some bot somewhere that did something 5 years ago has me feeling super crappy about myself likity split.

So I need to process and sit here and think about this stuff again. The gift that keeps on giving.

4 comments posted: Friday, December 15th, 2023

Good friend jfo need advice asap

Knight and I are traveling with a friend who is helping us on a job and he by a fluke found that his wife was at a hotel with his good friend. I have shown him this site but his brain is so overwhelmed right now he can’t protect himself. She has all of his account password for every single thing in his life and she is being a heinous gas lighting liar putting the blame on him. (Pot kettle I know, but I have done the work and I’m not talking about me today. Knight is here with me but I’m more of the posting type.

I convinced him to block her at least until he is in a less fragile state and she stops being insane (if ever). He wants to block her in a way that she knows he is not getting communication from her. I know he shouldn’t care what she thinks but at this moment it’s important to him and we just want to support him in handling things the way he wants to. I’m going to try to get him a profile later and encourage him to reach out for help.

Do y’all know a way to block her so she will go straight to voicemail and texts will be rejected?

6 comments posted: Saturday, November 26th, 2022

Because I know someone on SI will understand

Horsey love!!!!!!

I have never really had a hobby. Never really wanted one.

I crocheted a couple wash cloths last year, I get enthusiastic about cooking something every once in a while. I bake a (bad) loaf of bread occasionally. I plant a garden then let it die or become over run by weeds. I sew something when needed.

Knight and I tried crossfit. I used to run the occasional 5k. I tried jujuitsu (seriously did NOT enjoy rolling around on the floor with sweaty men).

My kids started taking riding lessons with a friend of mine last year. We used to own horses and went on plenty trail rides but none of us ever had formal, proper instruction. I took the kids for a few months. I would watch my friend work her fancy dressage horses and I would feel the pull. So one day I asked if I could take a few lessons because I had never sat in an english saddle. And addiction happened!

For my birthday/Christmas/anniversary this year Knight bought me a horse going at 2nd level and I am in LOVE. I have only been able to ride him twice because he is being boarded 3 hours away while we get his new home prepared for him.

But he is such a nice mover! And such sweet ground manners! And he's soooooo preeeetty!!!! I think we will have to drive to him this week so i can get a ride in.

I am always so happy to see anyone on SI have squeee worthy moments. Well guys, this is mine! SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by knightsbff at 9:45 AM, January 25th (Wednesday)]

28 comments posted: Wednesday, January 25th, 2017

Out of the mouths of babes

During a family car ride we are having a discussion about history. How the victors' version is often the version recorded and widely accepted as truth.

DS 11 puts in, "Also much of history that has been passed down and accepted as truth is apocryphal, for example George Washington and the Cherry tree."

I am a product of public school education and a state university but I had to google "apocryphal". He watches too many educational shows on TV. We are going to have to work really hard to get him to learn redneck so he can fit in around here.

7 comments posted: Friday, April 10th, 2015

For all of you in the white frozen lands

My daughter's university postponed her research day presentation that was supposed to take place this am until next week because temps dropped to freezing today.

They closed all the public school here last one day last week for the same reason. We didn't even get snow just a bit of frost on the grass in the morning.

7 comments posted: Thursday, March 5th, 2015

Did I miss it????

I've been in and out of SI lately....

Where did the St. Pat's G2G go?

Did we miss it? It's not even St. Patrick's Day yet! Why can't I find it?

2 comments posted: Tuesday, February 17th, 2015