"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

struggling need advice

Well im back , havent posted since 2015 . I want to say this site saved my life then so since my ex ww is back in the picture guess what ? so is the pain. After 10 years post affair and bitter custody battle , order of protections and jail twice for contempt (she put me in ) . She decides to tell me she loves me , misses me and wants to try again . She will accept my new child ( with a fling ) but child is in my life still. She wants to live together again. She stated she wants me back in marital home and in her bed ( that she slept with others in ) . Of course this is a joke and i laughed and didnt do it for awhile as she love bombed . I finally broke ( because i still am in love with her ) . I slept with her in july of 22 under agreed upon boundaries . those boundaries were "all or nothing " meaning i dont want to sleep with her and others as she does the same. second boundary was no contact at all with any men or woman ( she is bi ) she has slept with or is not a friend of us . Third was that she cannot push me away and emotionally manipulate me anymore because i will not tolerate it . So for about a month or so things were amazing , sex , emotion , cuddle , love , like we were kids again. Then bam rug gone and the discard started since then up to last week we have been on and off but with extreme abuse by her . example , " hey you want to go to dinner tonight ? " her response " im going out with the girls" hey " you want to go for coffee and a walk ? her response , im tired . then proceeds to gaslight and say she does that because i cannot let go of the past, her infidelity and abuse , So i say , if the past wasnt rearing its head in your same patterns then i would be able to. She states those issues are mine and she doesnt have to help me with my triggers. I dont feel this is correct or conducise to reconciliation. i remain in cognitive dissonance , i love her and make fantasies of how life could be when she breadcrumbs me. yet my brain knows the reality of who she is has not changed and the work i have done is slowly disappearing the longer i remain like this. At this point i am no contact for a week as is she . I need to hear that i should run and not look back . My friends say that but most of them cheat on their wives or have no idea what im experiencing although they mean well im sure. There are alot of other signs of her lies but too long to list . Yes we have 2 kids together 18 and 16. Thanks in advance for the guidance and wisdom

12 comments posted: Sunday, April 16th, 2023