I call my self a peaceful warrior because the battles we might are on the inside

Ive always wondered when I would post in this section lol...

This is the short version but happy to expound later...

I joined back in 2014. It’s six years later and our kids are doing much better, and me and the EXW get along better than ever. She remarried several years ago and her husband has been good to our kids and respectful to me. I had kept myself out of the long term dating scene until our kids were fully moving forward with momentum. We have a son(8) with ASD and a daughter (10) who has struggled through the divorce. They are domiciled with me but we share time.

Well after the new year rolled around I found myself having more me time as the kids and the co-parenting began to improve. I began to date again for the first time since a feeble attempt during separation and before I was married. I’ve met lots of wonderful women but one in particular began to stand out amongst the others. She was someone who seemed to enjoy all of me and not just certain parts. It’s four months in and it feels good to be happy. It feels good to have someone you don’t have to sell to your friends and family. It feels good to have someone who when you run into people you haven’t seen in a while they can’t help but compliment how happy and healthy you look now. Those comments don’t mean anything in the superficial world but I’m sure some of you share my experience of your ex being someone your friends and family saw through from the get go. Of having your feelings about someone you care about cause so much doubt and anxiety/stress. I’ll admit I kept meeting women just like my ex over and over to the point I went no dating until I this past January. Those positive moments earlier are very trivial but when have never experienced your friends and family looking at you like you found a healthy person before when it does happen it’s not merely a compliment of this person but of yourself and your progress/growth. Unhealthy people don’t attract healthy people, healthy people attract healthy people. And it was just another layer of foundation to speaks to the hard work of trying to grow through this...

I found myself in this forum a lot reading stories of hope for something new for myself down the road. Looking for anything to have the strength to keep fighting...and I won’t lie I gave up on that hope. I resigned myself to be a martyr for my marriage and focus on my kids and just exist in casual relationships as long as I was desirable. And I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that life as long as it’s a choice and not all that’s left.... But I wasn’t really giving up, just letting go of the hope. Not hopeless, just not putting that hope on a pedestal. And so I remained open, just not optimistic but never standing in the way of an opportunity. Well that opportunity happened...lol and as cliche as it seems in the midst of dating again to see what I liked and didn’t and what I wanted in a partner and didn’t. In the midst of all of those possible women, I met the one I’m with now and she wasn’t even someone I was considering....

5 comments posted: Monday, July 13th, 2020