The secrets we carry
I learned today that my friend’s mother passed away due to liver failure. She basically drank herself to death. What my friend doesn’t know is that when my very public shit show happened ie WH was doing the dance between me and OW, her mum messaged me to say that she had went through similar with my friends dad (whom she was still married to) and that it shattered her heart into a million pieces, that the love of her life did that to her when my friend was only a few years old. I didn’t tell my friend and no one really knows apart from those involved. It would really hurt her as she is so close with her dad. She had a really difficult relationship with her mum and I think it’s so sad that she doesn’t know the reason why her mum was the way she was. I look at her life and it scares me that I could become or maybe already am that person. 10 years of my own hell. 10 years of my younger two kids not knowing why I am sometimes distant, sometimes unlovable, not fully showing love their dad etc etc. It’s all very sad.
4 comments posted: Saturday, November 30th, 2024
Perfect reconcilers who ended up having affairs again
Interested to hear from anyone here who was in firm reconciliation and their WH or WW, and that they were doing everything right according to the R handbook and then blindsided by another affair?
I’m 10 years in R and still think he’s coming home at any given moment to tell me he’s fallen in love with a girl from the gym or similar. I am still afraid he portrays a different persona to me than he does when on his own and that it’s all just a facade. The joys of trust being shattered into a million bits.
12 comments posted: Friday, November 29th, 2024
WH was searching OW new OH on Facebook
10 years past DDay. husband has still blocked OW on Facebook however I was looking up someone on his Facebook the other day (I don’t have my own account) and his recent searches came up with the OWs new husband and he had also searched for OWs brother. I went down the rabbit hole and started going through their profiles then. I haven’t said anything to WH as I know he will accuse me of being coercive and controlling like he does when I question anything he does or his motives. But it’s annoying me and I want to know why. Any advice appreciated.
10 comments posted: Sunday, November 24th, 2024
Negative post - avoid if you need to
10 years post affair and I am trapped. I feel just as bad about what happened on DDay, if not worse. He has done (mostly) all he can to try and rebuild our marriage. I have tried too. It’s just the level of harm that was caused is too great for me to ever overcome. I don’t trust him. I will never trust him. He goes to the gym 3 times a week and has friends there, both male and female and I’m waiting any day for him to come home and deliver the bombshell like he did in Oct 2014, telling me he has fallen in love with some young girl. I have tried therapy, hobbies, detaching etc and nothing helps me. I love my family life, my home, I work with WH in our family business and life is wonderful, apart from the one flaw, that my WH hurt me more than anyone in my entire life (and this is coming from a SA child who lost her dad when she was a baby)
I have no means of leaving and setting up a new life. And in fact, I think I would be even more unhappy. I’m a prisoner in my own marriage and body. Death is the only way out and I wouldn’t do that on my family. I look back and believe my life was over on DDay. I have inherited a heart condition from my dad (which killed him in his 20s) and now feel that even in ill health or death, I don’t trust my husband to have my best interests.
Just putting it out into the world how I feel.
Sorry for the negativity but in all honestly, some people like myself are not cut out for reconciliation. I’ve just too many foo issues to believe that WH made a mistake and won’t make it again.
8 comments posted: Wednesday, October 30th, 2024
OHs best friend 50 has left wife and took up with 25 yr old
This has really affected me and I am so down about it all. My OHs best friend also happens to be my cousin. I loved his wife so much and I am gutted that it has transpired he was seeing this OW for two years of their 15 yr marriage and eventually left her for the OW. My husband has met the OW and remains the loyal friend. They have just bought a new home together. His STBXW was so mentally ill when it came out. But has now moved on. I am still raging. I can’t imagine ever having a civil relationship with this woman who happens to be same age as my daughter. I am just disgusted. Are men that weak? Everywhere I turn, it’s the same old story. I honestly think men just can’t help themselves. And any who say they wouldn’t leave their families for a woman half their age who happens to be very attractive with very big breasts and Botox lips etc , only say that as they haven’t had the opportunity yet. That if they were offered it on a place like this guy was, that they would all be at it. Sorry to the guys who truly believe they are not capable of this. I just feel so untrustworthy of men full stop. Rant over
14 comments posted: Saturday, June 22nd, 2024
