Me, BW, early 50s Him, WH, same Married 30+ years, 3 amazing kids EA/PA with CoW (one AP) DDay#1 07/2014 , TT, False R, NC DDay#2 07/2014 Broke NC DDay#3 04/2015 EA was a PA (1x) DDay#4 06/2015 PA had restarted 02/2015 DDay#5 10/2015 secret

Passwords from Google+

Hi, just poking around my WH's Google+/Gmail account and noticed that if you go to My Account/Sign-in and Security and scroll down to Connected Apps and Sites there is a section called "saved passwords." If you click on "manage passwords," you can open up the list of passwords saved by Google linked Apps and websites visited on Google Chrome. They are shaded out but, again, if you have the Google+ password, if you click on the "eye" icon beside the hidden password, it may prompt you to retype the Google+ password but will also then all you to view the saved password.

That could be helpful for figuring out other passwords as well, since many of us tend to use the same few passwords on various applications/sites/devices.

0 comment posted: Saturday, October 3rd, 2015

iKey Monitor, Spyera, Mspy?

Hi, has anyone used any of these keyloggers for an Android phone? Any experience (positive/negative) to report? Thanks in advance!

3 comments posted: Thursday, August 20th, 2015

Susan J Elliott Getting Past your Break-up

Read this tonight because I was having trouble implementing the 180. Chapter 2 is "The Rules of Disengagement: Going 'No Contact' with your Ex." Chapter 4 "Taking Care of Yourself," and Chapter 7 "Where Do You End and I Begin? Developing Limits and Boundaries" were all incredibly helpful-- just what I needed to hear tonight.

0 comment posted: Wednesday, June 10th, 2015

bell hooks The Will to Change

Have been reading bell hooks, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love in order to better understand my fWH and some of is deeper underlying issues. This quote spoke to me in particular (also posted on R forum) as I am struggling to understand how he could carry on the double life that he did during his 10 wk long affair with a CoW:

“Speaking about the meaning of integrity ...Rabbi Harold Kushner offers this clear definition: “Integrity means being whole, unbroken, undivided. It describes a person who has united the different parts of his or her personality, so that there is no longer a split in the soul.” Patriarchy encourages men to surrender their integrity and to live lives of denial. By learning the arts of compartmentalization, dissimulation, and disassociation, men are able to see themselves as acting with integrity in “cases where they are not. Their learned state of psychological denial is severe. Adding to the definition of integrity ... M. Scott Peck discusses the root meaning of the term “integrity,” which is the verb “to integrate,” emphasizing that this is the opposite of compartmentalization. “Individuals without integrity naturally compartmentalize. And patriarchal masculinity normalizes male compartmentalization....Since most men have been socialized to believe that compartmentalization is a positive practice, it feels right, it feels comfortable. To practice integrity, then, is difficult; it hurts. Peck makes the crucial point: “Integrity is painful. But without it there can be no wholeness.” To be whole men must practice integrity.”

This passage spoke volumes to me about how and why my fWH chose to sought comfort in the A rather than in staying in and trying to fix/engage our marriage (whereas, as unhappy or dissatisfied I may have been, I did not step outside); and how he felt justified in rationalising his behavior for so long. He was/is broken, and, actually, his AP thoughtfully introduced him to the term "compartmentalize" and offered to teach him how to learn to do this more effectively. It actually became a sort of sick shared joke between them.

Me, BW, 51

Him, WH, same

Married 31 years, three beautiful children 22 (DD), 18 (DS), 11 (DS)

10 week EA/PA with CoW

DDay #1: July 2014 (EA with a few instances of passionate kissing/ heavy petting)

(then, polygraph arranged)

DDay #2: March 2015 (EA/PA got a room together, couldn't consummate)

DDay #3: April 2015 (EA/PA, consummation)

(polygraph still scheduled, waiting for the next shoe to drop first!)

5 comments posted: Friday, April 10th, 2015