BS(me):38(on dday)WH(him):35 (on dday)married 7 yrs (on Dday)COW:21 3 small children DDAY: Oct 4, 2015 (he said EA) Oct 7 2015 I uncover a PA via texts evidence, he confesses allBroke NC Jan 2016D-day#2 June 19 20
Oct 2022-divorced

A fizzle instead of a bang-divorced

It's been a long time since I joined this board in 2015. I came here in an enormous amount of pain and desperate to save my marriage. I made excuses for XH and tried to explain away his behavior. I used words like "fog" and "midlife crises" to define and understand his nastiness. In the end I came to the realization that he cheated because he wanted to. He wanted to chase the feeling of "falling in love" instead of upholding his vows and taking care of his family.

I ignored his behavior and tried every form of reconciliation I could dig up. I dragged us to two Gottman certified therapists and they both informed me he was not showing any signs of wanting to save our marriage. I took us to Retrouville and he actively sabotaged it, I even showed up to the aftercare meetings alone. I spent $$$ on Divorce Busting coaching and twisted myself into a pretzel to make myself an acceptable and interesting spouse. I thought I had accomplished my goal when, two weeks from a default divorce in my favor, XH begged to try again. So I did. He still did very little to work on himself. I made myself try all his hobbies and listen more than speak. He would have weeks of mediocre behavior followed by nitpicking everything I did and say. At one point he even criticized my way of speaking and walking, apparently I wasn't delicate and lady-like enough.

I decided I wanted another child and we went through three rounds of IVF and I got pregnant with twins. It was vey high risk and I went to a LOT of appointments. I went to a viability scan after a large bleed and beforehand he picked a fight and didn't come. Afterward he stone walled me for weeks. I realized I witnessed this behavior before when I was pregnant and checked his text info. He was sexting a coworker. It was like a switch flipped off and never turned back on again. I showed my cards and texted him he could stay with OW and not bother coming back home. Of course he came home very late that night and tried to apologize the next morning.

I went through my pregnancy without any support from him but plenty from friends. He decided not to come to the c-section and go to work. My closest friend was there instead. I filed for divorce the week my last baby came home from the NICU and held steady. As of Wednesday we are divorced and I am...blank. I feel sadness for my children because despite my best efforts, I couldn't bring them up in a two parent home. But I feel mostly nothing towards him. We are cordial to each other and he appears to want to co-parent in peace but this divorce is still fresh. Only time will tell if he will be consistent.

Would I go back and do things differently? I am not sure, I have these amazing babies and feel blessed. I definitely would've had stronger boundaries and made it clear I would not stand for being treated like crap. I probably would've gone through with the first divorce filing and made him "work his way back" to winning me. In the end I am happy and content, my life is the way I want it. I will continue to work with my ex to keep things as peaceful for our children as possible.

8 comments posted: Saturday, October 15th, 2022

Snapchat

I noticed my WH just downloaded this to his i-phone. Is there a way to use DrFone and find out what he's been doing on it?

5 comments posted: Sunday, October 2nd, 2016

Mspy

WH is coming home this week from his work so I will have access to his iphone. Does MSPY send an email to his icloud account? If I load this on his phone will he be informed?

7 comments posted: Sunday, May 15th, 2016

Teensafe

Do I need access to his physical i-phone to install this? Is there way to install this and make it invisible? If I am reading correctly apparently I can basically spy on everything he does?

2 comments posted: Wednesday, April 6th, 2016

address lookup? Spokeo?

I hired a PI who has been investigating my WH and his AP for the last week. Supposedly they broke it off but I have had a lot of red flags lately. My works out of state every other week so VARs and such are not within my ability. (when he is out of state) I gave the PI AP's last known address (as recent as December) and he said it appears she is not living there anymore. More concerning is that he cannot find a new address for her by looking up bill history (if she's paying a utilities bill, rent, etc.,) He said the only way he knows she could do this is if she moved somewhere where someone else is paying her rent and utilities. Of course now I am wondering if WH is doing this for her or...?

Does anyone here have the ability to look this up? Through Spokeo or something? Please PM me, I am spending a lot of $$$ for this PI and need to find out if she is back in cohoots with WH.

8 comments posted: Friday, March 18th, 2016

var recs?

I need to buy two high quality, discreet VARs to put in my apartment when WH comes this Monday. I want to see if he has a burner phone and is calling her while I am at work. In the meantime he is being watched by a PI while in Indiana.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, March 16th, 2016

Way to find make/model?

I've hired a PI to investigate whether or not my WH has restarted his affair. My WH works out of state and he lives there every other week. I gave the PI pics of my WH, make and model of WH's car, addresses of both WH and AP, full name and age of AP. The PI asked if I know the make/model of AP's car. I know her full name, DOB but don't know what kind of car she drives. Is it possible to check this up through the DMV?

6 comments posted: Monday, March 14th, 2016