DDay was 8 years ago today
I haven't visited or posted on this site nearly as much as I once did, but I wanted to check in, since today is the 8yr anniversary of my DDay.
Quick recap of my story: I found out 8 years ago today that my WW of 12 years was having an affair with another married man who is/was a self-proclaimed "spokesman" on infidelity, who had been on countless talk shows after his really bizarre situation where his first wife cheated on him. I thought I was on an episode of MTV's Punked. My divorce was final in June 2016. My ex-WW kept pushing OM to leave his second wife, and he relented and was divorced a few months later. He and my ex-WW got married shortly after that. My DDs were 8 and 10 at the time of the divorce, and my exWW forced them to play house with OM and his sons who are the same ages. My exWW seemingly got everything she wanted - divorced me, got paid well in the settlement, married POS OM, and took very little if any public humiliation for her indiscretions.
I was devastated when it happened, but I recovered mentally after about a year and a half. As I look back today on my life of the past 8 years, I realize that my life is so much better than it was during my marriage. My exWW would do and say things that attacked my self-confidence. She would make me feel guilty if I wanted to play softball or watch sports with guy friends. She hampered and controlled the time I spent with my daughters. Everything was always about her. I thought that was normal. I did my best to make her happy. All of this disgusts me now, as I think back on it. Of course you should want your significant other to be happy, but not at the expense of yourself. I can't believe that I never thought I would find someone better than my exWW.
Everything in my life is infinitely better today than when I was married, especially my time with my daughters. I have met and dated many women over the past 8 years, including one that I've been dating the past 14 months. I'm definitely proud of the man I've become since my divorce.
I'm posting this to remind others, especially those at the beginning stages, that there is hope. You might not realize it now, but your life will be better. Finding out your spouse is having an affair is one of the most excruciating challenges in life. Overcoming it makes you a stronger person. When I first discovered this site 8 years ago, I would scour posts that would give me hope that I could somehow survive this.
I'm glad that I didn't have the choice of reconciliation, because I most likely would have taken that route, and my exWW would have definitely continued her affair with more stealth. I was forced to rip the bandaid off, and while it was painful and lonely at first, it was the best thing for me.
Karma hasn't found my exWW or her POS OM yet, but I know it's coming. Something tells me that it will wait for my daughters (and more importantly POS OM's sons) to both graduate highschool and head to college. At that point, OM won't need my exWW, and I'm sure he will find another younger version. But that's not my concern any more. I'm focused on me and my girls.
You WILL recover. You WILL have a better life. You CAN do this!
11 comments posted: Friday, January 5th, 2024
Another new relationship over
Well friends, I broke up with the latest new beginning this past Saturday. We had dated for nearly 3 months - the first two months were fantastic, and then the last three weeks have been a steady downward dive. She decided that she hates my best friend's wife because my best friend's wife told a common friend that she liked meeting this woman one time and was interested to get to know her more - somehow she took that as my friend's wife was trying to get "dirt" on her. She complained about my dog. She complained that we spent so much time at my house (her house is undergoing a major remodel, and she didn't have a bed until last week - we stayed at her house twice in the 4 days since her bed arrived, and a 3rd day I had my daughters and didn't see her). Finally, she complained about my DDs, and that was the last straw. I truly wanted this one to work out. But I can't listen to a woman I'm dating tell me that my 13 year old daughter is going to end up 15 and pregnant because she wanted me to buy an inappropriate dress, which I told my daughter was not appropriate and didn't buy. This woman kept at it and told me that she isn't signing up to raise a newborn baby when my daughter gets pregnant. I don't get how me NOT buying an inappropriate dress is somehow going to lead to my daughter being 15 and pregnant? This should have been considered "good" parenting.
She is 39 years old, never married, and has no children. In addition, she's an only child who was pampered her entire life. In the beginning, she did her best to pretend to be someone who she wasn't, but the last few weeks, she just couldn't fake it any more.
Since the breakup, she has resorted to berating me over text messages. I politely thanked her for the time we spent together, and I told her I was sorry things didn't work out. I didn't engage in or respond to any of her nasty personal attacks.
I don't know the point of my rant today. It's just really frustrating, especially with the holidays happening. I know this will sting for a couple days, and then I'll be fine. Just wanted to complain in a safe place to folks who can relate (at least to some degree).
33 comments posted: Tuesday, November 30th, 2021
One year ago today
One year ago today I was blindsided when the woman I had been dating for 2-1/2 years broke up with me over the phone, with little explanation, and "didn’t want to discuss it." A week later, my "best friend" of 36 years was acting strange about my breakup and pretty much ended our 36 year friendship. A few months ago, I learned that his girlfriend broke up with him. A common friend spoke with her and she said she actually broke up with him once right after my GF broke up with me, because he was spending too much time talking with my exGF after our breakup, and his GF thought he was trying to get with my ex. Hmmm, that’s what I thought too. I also got confirmation that my exGF had been cheating on me with another dude from her past. They started dating publicly very soon after she broke up with me, and I’m told they’re no longer together.
To me, this is all sad, because none of it needed to happen. I truly loved her and was planning to propose. She abandoned that to cheat on me with a guy whom she’s no longer with, just one year later. My ex "best friend" screwed me over for a girl that he never got to be with, or maybe he got to be with once. They both lost. What a shame. Didn’t need to happen this way.
I’m doing much better, but I still miss them both. There’s no going back to either of them, and that’s sad. But life is what it is.
A couple weeks ago, I broke up with a woman I had dated for 4 months. As much as I wanted that relationship to work, she had some FOO issues that created problems in our relationship that surfaced at two months in, and became progressively worse over the past two months.
I’m not sure why I’m posting. I think, I might just want to be "heard". I never got "closure" from either my exGF or my ex "best friend", and I’m sure I never will. She was the first and only person I’ve loved in the 5-1/2 years since my exWW. In many ways, this one hurt more than my divorce, because this exGF knew what my exWW did, and then she did the exact same thing. Couple that with the loss of my ex best friend, and it’s a big blow.
Intellectually, I know I’m better off with both of them out of my life, but emotionally, it was a sh!tstorm.
I just wanted to share my thoughts tonight. Thanks for anyone reading/listening.
10 comments posted: Sunday, August 29th, 2021
Just got dumped
My 2-1/2 year relationship ended abruptly on Friday night. I am hurting. Not quite as bad as finding out about xWW infidelity, but this pain is rough. Just needed to put it out there.
408 comments posted: Sunday, August 30th, 2020
