I feel like something is wrong with me

This month is one year since the A and I left. Two days later she met a new guy and moved in with him. The guy she had the A with had a girlfriend that he lived with so going there wasn't an option for her.

I am 38 and she is 31. We had the easiest D in the history of D's. $435 and only one court date, no lawyers. This was also after being together for 14 years and married 10. This was in early June. She tried to get married to her new guy that same day but the judge said it would take a couple of days for the paperwork to get filed. So a week or so later she got remarried. It's so easy for her. Me not so much.

If there was one thing I thought I could do right in this world it was to be a good husband. I wanted to be married or in a long term relationship since I was in grade school. No matter what happened I thought I could fix things. After many A's and trying to fix whatever was wrong, I realized that the problem was never going to go away. It was part of her personality. I am happy with my decision because staying would be accepting an open marriage and that hurts too much.

I dated one girl since then, and it felt so wrong. I find myself missing my ex even though I don't want to be with her. It's kind of like I'm waiting for her to say that she misses me or that she is sorry for what she did. We all know that will never happen.

I don't know how to cook well, so I usually just grab something to eat on the way home from work. We are getting a snowstorm in Chicago this weekend, so I went to the grocery store today after work and bought some things. For the first time ever I started to have a panic attack in the store. I caught myself and calmed myself down before it went out of control, but it caught me off guard. My mind was going back to my ex and thinking about how we would go shopping. It was too much for my mind to deal with I guess. What the hell is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be over this by now?

I'm sorry if I'm all over the place in this post, I just don't know what is going on with me. I haven't been here since the beginning of the A and it helped me through a lot, many times actually over the years because I lost count of how many times we went through that stuff.

Can anyone that has been through this let me know if this is normal or what I can do? I have been having a rough time with this lately and really would like to move on with my life and find someone to share it with one day.

19 comments posted: Saturday, February 13th, 2021