Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014. Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

TW: Death- Prayer Request

Hey. I know not everyone here was a big fan of me or approved of my lifestyle but at least some of y'all knew me and I wanted to post an update because I think that having to tell the story over and over in various comments will hurt too much.

In a lot of ways everything in my life sucked except my love life. Kid stress, financial stress, health stress, extended family health stress... you name it. Then DH had a heart attack and died suddenly at home, age 37. I found him when I got home from work.

I am absolutely drowning in grief right now and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this. DS and I now have an anti-suicide pact because we see how it just shunts the pain onto everyone else... but the idea of getting up every morning tired, not being able to function throughout the day and just running out the clock to try and fall into some kind of a broken sleep and do it all over again just to cross another day off the calendar? It seems like sheer torture at this point. Like I've been sentenced to a life filled with nothing but pain.

I'm very grateful for DBF at this point because he's doing his best to keep the household running, cleaning and making sure there's at least a hot meal every day, but he's suffering his own loss. They were friends and not lovers but the four of us were a family. Having DH gone has left a jagged gaping hole in our family and we're all grieving.

Any helpful words would be appreciated. Yes, doing our best to seek out therapy but low income and virtual required (DH was the driver, I can't drive for medical reasons) is severely limiting our options. Doing our best to get supports.

14 comments posted: Friday, June 14th, 2024