Ever Written Ex a Letter for Closure?

I am coming up on 3 years after asking for a divorce from my ex-husband that cheated on me 14 months after we got married.

I have since, moved states(twice), settled, tried dating, and proven my worth to myself. However, in therapy I am still BAWLING most times that my ex comes up. I am still SOOO angry that it is overwhelming with emotion still 3 years later. My therapist recommended that I write a letter to him, telling him/ asking him anything that I want. Once I am done with the letter i can decide if I want to send it or not.

I have heard this is a fairly common exercise, have you ever done this? How did it work for you? Did writing the letter actually help work through anything? Did you end up sending it/ confronting your ex?

17 comments posted: Friday, September 11th, 2020

Still Grieving? Ready for new R?

Hi all,

I haven't posted in years probably(with the exception of one drunk post that I don't even remember the topic).

I have been divorced for 2 full years as of a few days ago. Separated from the ex for 2.5, and 3.5 since the infidelity.

A few months ago I visited my hometown, and caught up with the ex while he got to spend some time with our two dogs(that I got in the D). He has been dating his girlfriend for over a year and a half and have recently bought a house together. This completely threw me back into the grieving process, especially anger. oh my, the livid effing anger...

I've moved from my hometown to a different state, I've survived on my own, I've picked up new hobbies, I have dated and experimented sexually. But seeing the ex buy a house with the new gf, I figured its time for me to actually start dating again. Every time I start to get interested in someone I get these panicked feelings. Ive tried relationships in the past couple years and I always run away in the opposite direction screaming.

I cant even say the words "I like you" to the guy Ive been seeing for a month now. I question if I am not actually ready to date - which would suck big time because this current date is an actual winner(stable in several ways, emotionally available, communicates very well, we like all the same activities, attractive: checks all my boxes). My therapist hesitated when I brought up " am I even ready to be dating?" because if I have panicked feelings and fear of commitment when he says "I like you" because I am scared of reciprocating AND hes a catch, what is so wrong with me that I want to run away?

My question is, its been 2.5 years since I thought I was moving on from the infidelity, but here it is still lingering... I want it to go away so that I can enjoy this current man or at least just move on in life! The therapist says it can take up to 5 years, but I want a companion!!!

How long did it take you to truly move on? What hard work did you do in therapy? Do you have any suggestions?

6 comments posted: Wednesday, July 15th, 2020