Unresolved Anger
I’m 5 years out from DDay#3. Most days, my marriage is fine, not great, but "fine." My WH and I have had some rough times, but things are pretty consistent and calm lately.
IDK what it is, (years of lies and cheating and simply being treated unfairly, I guess) but I am so angry towards my WH. I’m so checked out of any romantic type of interaction or intimacy. It makes me cringe.
Maybe I’m healed enough to realize that infidelity was a dealbreaker for me. I don’t believe people that are serial cheaters ever really change. Anyone that can lie and cheat for years, decades must have a horrible character and it must be something that has always been there. I doubt it will ever leave him.
Staying hasn’t been all bad. I still have a decent life with him. I don’t really like who he is though and I think I’m resenting my decision to stay.
I think there is probably something I need to fix in me that would keep me married to someone that did me so dirty. I’ve also lost my faith in counseling so…
Has anyone else had these strong feelings of distain for their WS 5yrs out?
13 comments posted: Monday, August 19th, 2024
Should WS working with AP be a dealbreaker?
Hello again,
My WH still works with AP number 3. They have little contact, but still have some contact. The D-day with her and him was Feb 2020. I’m not okay with this, even though I agreed to try to be. Does anyone have any feedback on WS working with AP?
Also, my story: WH is a serial cheater, master manipulator and liar. My 1st D day was 2017. I’m feeling like ending it. My mind wants to be free of it all.
18 comments posted: Sunday, January 28th, 2024
5 year update, still feel stuck
My 1st Day was in 4/20/17. My WH had multiple affairs, including one that had been the whole duration of our marriage (15 years) and probably before.
Even though some healing has taken place and It seems like he is finally all-in and “present” in our marriage, I’m still feeling stuck. I still grieve, get angry, trigger, etc.
If I could go back and change things, I probably would end it after the 2nd D-day.
My WH hasn’t really done the work, but has been very good at keeping me informed of his whereabouts, doesn’t protect his phone, etc. I recently put a tracker on his car for 2 weeks without his knowledge and nothing.
I can’t really talk about the affairs, my feelings, etc because it turns into him being defensive. He can’t handle shame of looking at what he has done.
His family have been the family I always wanted since we’ve been married. I come from a dysfunctional family dynamic with very little support or guidance.
His father always has advocated us staying together and has always tried to be supportive. Unfortunately he has often told me I need to “get over it and move on” to save the marriage. I’m not happy with that. I’m offended by that. I’ve become very angry over him saying that. I’ve stuffed down my feelings and it’s painful and miserable. I feel like everyone wants me to continue doing this so no one is uncomfortable and the family is in tact, no hurt feelings for my WH.. Our daughter graduates next year and I’m thinking about what the future is going to look like for us.
I think I need IC but it’s been difficult to find the right councilor/therapist.
I did IC and marriage counseling after DDay 1 and for the most part, it was an expensive waste of time.
Im feeling defeated, I guess. My self-esteem is still in the toilet, I’ve gained 25 lbs, I feel like I wasted the best years of my life on a bunch of lies and someone that didn’t ever treat me or love me the way I needed. When I get triggered and act out, then I’m the crazy one. This is hard, staying is hard. Pretending nothing ever happened is hard. I thought this is what I wanted, but now, I don’t really believe that.
Hugs to everyone that is struggling and can’t find peace.❤️
14 comments posted: Sunday, November 20th, 2022
