I'm failing NB class....

Guess who’s back? Oh, it’s just ‘Ms. I’m Going to ask for advice and not listen to any of it but you were right and now I’m broken hearted’. This has been true for me on this site from discovering infidelity, the divorce process, this recent horrible dating experience…. All the same. I’m sensing a trend here!!

I think I’m just looking for a little support. I posted back in August about the lame-o I was dating and subsequently some kind of effed up in love with. As per above, I did not listen, I did not end the relationship and kept jacking around until he FREAKING GHOSTED me in December. (*Basically ghosted. But wait, there’s more.) I would ask, "who does that?" but apparently a lot of people do; I’ve heard and read about it far too often.

Wow, I just started to type out the more details and yowza! On paper, that was absolute crazy town. Also, you guys don’t want to read all that crap. Just trust me, I wish it would have been a proper ghosting.

Cliffs Notes version – Not a proper ghosting. He continued to reach out. I was good at NC. Then I was very VERY bad at NC. In general, I was an idiot. He’s a user asshole player. I finally had to block his number and delete his contact information. Like just this past weekend. I feel mostly proud of myself but a small part of me is still struggling with it all, missing him, etc.

My picker is hard broke. I’m co-dependent. I’m a people pleaser. I’m a nurturer. I just want everyone to be happy and damn it, I will be the one to make sure you are happy.

I am currently residing in self-imposed relationship jail – maximum security unit. I’ve put a year sentence on myself but am absolutely open to and leaning towards extending that sentence indefinitely.

I’m legitimately looking forward to doing all the things I didn’t prioritize when I was with lame-o. Minor construction projects, etc. I had a ‘sorry for not being my best for you’ speech with the kids even though most of my time with lame-o was when they were with their dad so that was maybe weird. I’ve already made the time to spend with other family and friends and apologized for choosing lame-o over them. Because I’m blessed far more than I deserve, they all welcomed me with open arms and were more understanding than I could have hoped. I even had a heart-to-heart with my dog and apologized to him for making him wait so long for me sometimes! I think I took that one a little too far, he was freaked out when I got down on the floor and held him, crying…. He’s not a hugger.

All in all, I feel like I’ve just been put through the wringer. It’s over but I’m still in a bit of a daze and catching my breath. I’m feeling very hopeful but also really stupid, disappointed in myself and just sad, and a little lonely. I can’t wait for this part to be over.

5 comments posted: Wednesday, February 15th, 2023

Permanently screwed up?

Hello out there! It's been awhile since I've visited. This place and all of you were absolute life savers when I was going through DDay, limbo and ultimately divorce. I never thought I could make it through and while in the process, I thought it would literally never end. Never thought I would feel better ever again. Now, I'm happily divorced for almost 3 years and all financial issues were resolved about a year ago. Those finalizations brought me more peace than I ever could have imagined.

I spent a lot of time in therapy and I worked really hard on myself. I figured out FOO issues, came to understand my emotional nature so much better and was generally really proud of how far I had come.

So....what's the problem, right??? Okayyyyyy. Going along with my new life. Feeling good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people liked me! Then, I met this guy. We'll call him Succubus. Totally my fault. I picked him out of a crowd, made a comment to a friend, and she commenced getting his number for me. Very lame, kinda felt like a high school kid but whatever, things happen sometimes. Sparing you 100 pages of my crappy prose, blah blah blah, you guys know the drill, back and forth, he's in, he's out, a SHIT TON of red flags, therapy? forgot all skills - oh look! a circus has red flags! I love the circus! throw some gasoline and matches in a bag, shake it all up, and here we are....been dating for a little over a year

Succubus is a giant, walking, talking, red flag. He is the poster child for everything 'Not Just Friends' says NOT to do. Interestingly enough, he was the BS in his marriage however, he pursued exactly ZERO therapy and it's very obvious. I find myself creating mental lists of all the things about him that are terrible, horrible, ridiculous, insensitive, hurtful, disrespectful....ok, you get the picture. Obviously he also has some redeeming qualities; I'm not a complete masochist! However, WTF am I doing??? I could go on and on about all the reasons he's screwed up but at the end of the day, it's me! I'm the screwed up one. Why on earth am I choosing to put up with such atrocious behavior and treatment?? He literally sucks all the life and energy from me. I give him everything. I do anything for him. I deserve SOOO much more but here I am settling for Succubus.

I "graduated" from therapy about 2 years ago but reached back out to my IC. We have an appointment for next week to get back to work as I clearly need a tune up. In the meantime though, please help. Mostly just WHY??? What is wrong with me?? Will I ever be normal??? It's like I'm reading directions that say turn left and then I turn right but wonder why I don't reach my destination. Not sure if I'm more frustrated with him for sucking or myself for being an idiot!

7 comments posted: Tuesday, August 16th, 2022