3 years on and doing worse

I'm no stranger to this forum as I found it when I was first going through the thick if being cheated on.

A bit has changed in this 3 years. We have reached a point were we can be amicable for our kids, and not the awkward kind of amicable. It seems to be OK and our kids are doing better for it.

My ex ended up cheating on the person he cheated on me for- but she was also cheating on him too. So all around- Not my business but it gave me one tiny blip of sick satisfaction knowing it didnt go well for him. Temporarily anyway.

He's now with another person, who I've met, and my kids adore.

I don't wish them unhappiness but I won't lie , I'm absolutely still crippled with depression and even a pathetic jealously that even though he did the wrong thing initially, refused to pay child support etc. He has ended up in the better position.
A gorgeous house , a new car and a nice new partner. Two decent incomes.

I am working two menial jobs as a single parent and I can barely afford my utility bills. am tired, exhausted and worried about finances constantly.
Not only do i not have time to date, but the desire to date isn't even there because I have extremely low self esteem not to mention mental health problems that arose from this infidelity. Not to mention the pool out there is low for gals like me, it's slim pickens.

Now I know its not always greener on the other side, they could still have issues.

But quite honestly I'm struggling with the will to survive. I truly resent where I am at in life and I can't see it getting any better.
Why did I end up worse off. I cant seem to dig my way out of the hole I am in.
A therapist I see just sort of keeps repeating the same stuff, self care, be kind to yourself. Just keep plodding along, etc etc.

Chid support did eventually catch up to him, he ended up paying his debt entirely. Now, he offers to pick up groceries sometimes at child changeover- which seems generous but truly feels like charity and I end up feeling more pathetic.

How do I snap out of this.

6 comments posted: Monday, November 29th, 2021