Me: BWHim: WHD-Day 2/16/18D-Day#2 5/25/23 Separated
Failed the 180 after 3 days
I was doing so well, but I got so lonely on Thursday. He came home from work a little early. I was happy to see him, and I just started hugging and kissing him. Thankfully I had a meeting to go to, and he turned down my invitation to bed.
I was like an addict with their drug of choice! My brain kept saying "Wtf? Stop it immediately!" And my heart kept seeing the old husband, the one I had fun with and inside jokes, and the way his eyes crinkled up in the corners when he smiled at me.
Last night when he came home he was colder, probably talking to OW about how awful I am. I stayed up waiting until he got home so I could see him.
It is SO FRICKIN HARD to stop the pick me dance!
I started fresh today. We had to sit down and talk about some bills, but I only talked about that then left the room.
I'm still crying every day. I know it will get better, but it feels like the pain is a huge abyss that I am falling into. I just want it to stop.
12 comments posted: Sunday, July 2nd, 2023
180 Day 1
After a month of pick me, I am starting the hard 180. He says he can't choose between the two of us, that he loves both of us. I can't be the pathetic pick me girl anymore.
He left the house last night and slept in his truck (he drives a semi). The night alone gave me clarity.
I am meeting him at his truck now to read him a letter that basically says unless he goes no contact, I consider our marriage over. I got the template from a response to Iamenough's post. Then I am starting to live MY life.
This is exhausting and sad.
I will never understand why he did this. He seemed like such a good man that I could spend the rest of my life with.
But I deserve better than this. I have to protect myself, even though I still love him very much.
It is unnerving to think that this could be the end of my marriage. I feel physically ill. But I will be strong for myself, and to be a good example for my kids.
30 comments posted: Tuesday, June 27th, 2023
