BW: 64 WH: 64 Both 57 on Dday, M 37 years, 2 grown kids. WH had 9 year A with MOW, 7 month false R, multiple DDays from 2017 - 2022, with five years of trickle truth and lies. I got rid of her with one email. Reconciling, or trying to.

The United States of Scandal Series - Trigger City

Ugh. My WH loves this series, and I watched a few with him, but the * NO POLITICS! ** one was just too much. I followed that sad story in real time before I knew who I was married to. At the time my heart broke for * NO POLITICS! ** and I had no idea what I was even talking about in that regard because I had not lived through it yet.

Anyway, when that episode started, I said No, I do not like this story, this is awful. Did he get the hint? Nope. When we got to the part where * NO POLITICS! ** denied not only the affair but the paternity of his daughter, I was really starting to get agitated, but when the smug mistress interview section began I just said I hate her, I hate him, I hate this story and I just wish * NO POLITICS! ** had lived long enough to divorce him like she had wished.

He finally got that I was upset and asked if I wanted to watch something else. You think?? Expert compartmentalizers can be pretty slow on the uptake.

Anyway, we won't be watching any more corrupt, cheating, lying politician news shows. I'm kicking myself for sitting through as much of that triggering crap as I did. All I had to do was say nope, change the channel and he would have. I guess I was just waiting to see if any light bulbs could go off in his head. Live and learn.

7 comments posted: Monday, March 4th, 2024

How soon to get a replacement puppy?

Its been two months since we lost our beloved Golden Doodle of almost 15 years. We got him at 8 weeks and I remember well the all night crying, the housetraining and the chewing phases. I was a lot younger then and I'm wondering if we are crazy considering looking at dogs this soon after losing our boy.

I'm wondering why I keep bouncing back and forth between scouring the puppy listings and the shelters and rescue sites thinking about taking the plunge with telling myself it is too soon and that waiting would be good for us both. I've waffled with adopting or fostering an older dog but the lure of a young pup to train from the ground up is there too.

My H misses having a pet more than I do, but he is much busier than I am with work, so the training and parenting will fall largely on me. I'm still a little numb, still getting through a weak R process, just over a long bout with COVID and wondering if we need a longer break from pet ownership to do some dog free travel, and maybe establish a new normal for the true empty nest version of us before we throw the mayhem of a new pet into our lives. The old relationship dynamic is that I am risk averse and slow to pull the trigger, so the last dog was a surprise he bestowed upon me as I was burying my father and he was shopping for a girlfriend, so the dog thing is a little triggering. I worry that the dog will just be another distraction to keep us from addressing the relationship issues he doesn't want to deal with, but I also know that a new addition to the family would give us something to bond over. I am a nurturer, so when we do get a new dog I know it will get a huge chunk of my heart.

How soon is too soon to replace a dog you loved so much? Our neighbors are finally replacing theirs lost over a year ago and are really trying to get us to adopt a litter mate so they can grow up together. I'm torn in every direction, but that is looking like my new normal these days.

Looking for feedback to help me make sense of my emotions from those with multiple breaks in their hearts. Thanks.

23 comments posted: Wednesday, November 30th, 2022

Losing a pet, covid and other woes…

Is Off Topic the place for this? I don’t know but I just wanted to invite some nice people to my pity party. I know a few of us have had to say goodby to our sweet fur babies lately and it is so hard. I have a lot going on that’s making this feel overwhelming though.

My WH had to travel for the first time in 2 1/2 years to the location of his last trip with MOW, on the anniversary of DDay, and he brought back Covid and gave it to me, after all my vigilance and anxiety to steer clear. I had the updated booster a week before he got home, but am still fighting the head cold symptoms and headaches two weeks later, and of course he was fine after a few days. Our beloved almost 15 year old golden doodle had been struggling with arthritis, incontinence and finally a horrific autoimmune skin disease that left him a pile of bloody abscesses. It was awful and time to put him down and it was very hard, even though I had a lot of time to know it had to be done and to try to come to terms with it. I haven’t had to help a pet cross over in a very long time, and the memory of saying goodbye is haunting me, more so than my quiet empty house. At least his last few days were filled with all the love and care I could give him, and he had some fun, happy moments to the end. But I wish I hadn’t had to say goodbye through a soggy KN 95 mask.

Also, I wrenched my back lifting him the last day he was with us and I can’t do much of anything I want to without pain right now. I’m trying to focus on healing in every direction, but I’m a bit overloaded, with ripples of infidelity, triggery dates and locations, covid symptoms, back pain and missing my sweet, loving boy, all within a couple of weeks. I am allowed to feel a little sorry for myself right? Strange that my WH was a wreck over the dog, and instead of feeling sympathy, I felt annoyed that he couldn’t shed a few tears over the demise of our relationship or my pain. I felt petty and envious, but I think I’m over that now, and we are leaning in to each other in our grief. But. The empty house has me very much feeling like something that was helping hold us together is gone and I am a bit more unmoored than normal.

Any others lose a pet and have it ripple into some existential relationship moments? I’m trying to channel my weirdness and sorrow into thoughts of all the things I’m free to do now that I’ve caught Covid and can stop freaking out about travel, and the freedom the end of caregiving brings. It’s very bittersweet. We have agreed that we will take a year or so to do all the things we wanted to do but could not with our aging dog before considering another pet to love. This boy was special and deserves a long mourning period. I pick his ashes up this week and am thinking we might plant them with a tree in his honor, as well as sprinkle a few on his favorite places to walk. I don’t want them sitting around in a cupboard or urn, that just seems unresolved somehow.

Thanks for letting me wallow in my pity for a few minutes and share my list of woes. Sometimes complaining helps a little.

11 comments posted: Monday, October 3rd, 2022