Preparing for Next Steps

It's been a week since D-day and I've been preparing for my next steps. I discovered nude pics and explicit texts from my WW to her AP (nearly 30 years her senior). I called her out on that and got the lovely gaslighting..those were old from when we were broken up....Yeah right...it was from when we were back "together"...time/date stamps don't lie. Of course she said it was over, but suspicious behavior continued (always having phone with her on silent and taking it to the bathroom for 10-15 minutes several times a night...and at predictable times as well 8 am and 10 pm). Well one week ago on her day off she says she is going to a tanning session and will be back in 30 minutes. I decide to go the local McDonalds and get us Cokes (which just so happens is same route as to the tanning salon)...and see her car across the street at a holiday Inn parking lot. I position my car so that I have a great view of the car and then call her. She says there's a line at the tanning booth and will be home soon. I wait and see her come out with the old man and take pics of them and then of him and his car when he drives away. i know his name and contact information and that he is married too (I have her contact info and that of his adult children as well). i confronted her that night and she tried to minimize saying he wanted one last conversation...in a hotel bar...yeah right. I told her this was not what I signed up for, that it was totally unacceptable and unless she agreed to have absolutely no contact with him whatsoever, that I would have no choice but to file for divorce. Of course she agreed. But she did not send a NC text or have the joint NC call that I required...so I have no reason to believe it has stopped. So i am preparing for part 2 of the D-day discussion. Again demanding NC with OP and sending the NC text or having NC call and access to phone when requited (and phone bill...can't delete those records). And then redouble our work in couples counseling.

I am also going to contact the OBS. He claims his wife doesn't understand him...well she will understand him a whole lot better soon. Whether that affects the interaction between my WW or AP is debatable. But I do believe in consequences for your actions.

Most importantly, I'm taking care of myself..focusing on my job and my kids. Not letting this completely consume me. But man it does suck to be back in a similar story. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm young-ish, attractive, funny, caring, and successful in my career. What I have to ask myself is since this is a pattern in my life, what's wrong with my love radar that i seem to find attractive people who are either prone to stray or stray when relationships go through tough times. I'm pondering that as I'm working through this too.

Anyway, thanks for letting me share some of the story. I'll post more as my journey continues. we'll see where it goes.

13 comments posted: Friday, June 23rd, 2023

Hi...I'm back with second wife and second affair

While it sucks to be back in this situation, i'm glad to have SI as a valuable resource and community. To the newbies out there, definitely read the posts from the long timers. They really know what they are talking about. This time around I have the tools and the strategies to deal with this stunning turn of events without being consumed by it. Focus on you, set the boundaries and expectations, know what you will and won't accept and be ok with not being in control of the situation but in control of your choices, behaviors and actions. And know that while we do share in the problems in a marriage, we don't own any of the WS choices to stray. Betrayal is sadly so common these days. Keep coming back and know that there are people here that genuinely care about you, have shared a similar story, and not just survived...but thrived.

I'll have more to share soon. Still working on Dday issues. I'll be back :)

6 comments posted: Thursday, June 15th, 2023