#1 D-day STA 05/2005. #2 LTA D-day 02/27/18. 6 year LTA started 12/2011. Married 09/2011. Relationship started 04/2003 when we were 16/17 y/o. Relationship in chaos.

How do you accept divorce is the answer?

Disclaimer: I know some of you know my story, and it was not going well at the time. Still isn't going well almost 4 yrs later of the same banter. Both my relationship, my coping methods and reluctance to part ways were and still is a challenge. I can't seem to let go even though many times it seems to be the right thing since its been a constant set of failures over 4 yrs now.

It was advised previously, years ago, given my story that I should get a divorce because it set the precedence to my WS that the threat of divorce was never on the table that gave her the power to disregard my feelings and perpetuate her lack of action for her journey to reconciliation. And there was truth to that. I ignored all advise to divorce. And being honest I am still not sure if I am capable or ready. I still struggle daily to accept that I need to put in the work to make the divorce happen. I've pleaded with WS to start the divorce to take the burden off me, but she's refused.

For those who were reluctant to start/get the divorce, what helped you accept that it was the only choice, best choice, right choice, what ever the reason may be. What helped you decided that being married to your WS was no longer worth it?

Some of my hangs up include losing custody of my kids and even losing just time with them. Losing the house because neither one of us can afford the house alone. Moving and displacing our kids, which also means new school. I'd be losing independence as I'd probably have to move back in with my family until I got my life sorted out. Being alone. Not finding someone as compatible as I was with my wife I thought I married.

6 comments posted: Tuesday, November 30th, 2021