Back Again- Merry Christmas!
Hi everyone, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I was in this group 3 years ago when I caught my husband sexting a coworker. Since then, Covid happened. I had a newborn and 9 month old and was super busy. I turned 40. I was kind of sailing in the wind in my marriage I guess since.
Backstory, At the time I discovered the sexting, I found out I was pregnant and had a 3 month old. They are both doing very well! The then 3 month old just turned 4 and the pregnancy resulted in a super smart, huge blessing of a now 3 year old son. I've been truly blessed in life. Not so much in my marriage.
After the sexting incident, we were living separately for awhile. I started working (still employed there), had a baby, and have been busy raising babies since. We got back together and he did some of the things i asked (sorta). I guess I thought things were going OK in our marriage. Or maybe I've just been too busy to look closely. Maybe I just subconsciously wanted things to be good and ignored red flags. Either way, I'm back. He never fully made me feel better about things after the sexting. Gaslighting. Not doing everything I asked. Or only after an argument. There's been a lot of really personal arguments. Usually the sexting comes up bc it's still an open wound for me. One of the books I asked him to read he literally ripped every page out of in an argument a couple years back. There have been some extremely low times and others that seem ok, some that seem great. But let me get to the point of why I'm back.
December 23rd WH and I wrapped presents and he was about to get in the shower and I was laying down for bed. I could sense something was off with him. Just the way he was acting and talking to me. He was being overly critical about little things and that's not like him at all usually. For example, he said "I'm taking a shower. Could you make sure to put the remote on my side instead of next to you so I'm not digging under you trying to find it all night?" He said it in a harsh tone out of nowhere. He isn't that way normally so it caught my attention and when he went to shower I found myself in tears. I was worn out bc I had to bust my rear for Christmas this year. He was in between jobs (once again) and didn't start this one until 2 weeks before Christmas. So I was carrying the burden both financially and physically alone for 5 kids and some extended family. He didn't even try to help. Not financially.
Not physically. Not mentally even. Its been stressful. The 23rd was the first night he even helped wrap and that was 3 gifts. I definitely had some resentment going on bc of it but was trying my best to smile and ignore it until after the holidays.
After his shower he came in our room and was sitting on the edge of the bed texting or something on his phone. He usually will snuggle up to me and we watch TV together. Already being emotional I noticed it right away. I can sense things especially with him, even if i cant point out what it is. I calmly said "Honey, are we ok?" Immediately he jumps up and says 'we are fine. Why are you starting an argument?' He gets up and walks out. By this point I'm in tears but just sitting there not saying anything. He comes back in and is very agitated that I'm crying and hr gets defensive. I start telling him I'm not trying to start an argument I just feel something is off. He starts raising his voice so I get up and walk into our master bath and he follows me arguing. We were both talking fastly back and forth, he gets in my face yelling at this point and I slapped him (bad choice, i know and i completely own it). I was shocked i did that and I Immediately start to apologize but before I could apologize he takes his drink and throws it at me. I start crying and he starts yelling throwing stuff all over the bathroom and walks out. I locked the door and I go to get in the bath because I'm now drenched in soda and he busts open the bathroom door (breaking the frame) while I'm in the bath and starts screaming again. I tell him to get out of the bathroom please and lower his voice because the kids are sleeping. That infuriated him more. He throws something at a mirror I had propped against the bathroom wall and shattered it. Finally he walks out. I'm in the bath crying and trying to wrap my mind around what just happened. I cried the rest of the night and didn't speak to him anymore bc I didn't want to wake the kids and ruin Christmas for them. I went and put their elves in place once I got out and he was in the living room and started trying to argue with me again and I told him I was going to bed and didn't want to wake up the kids. I swept up the glass from the mirror and went to bed. When I woke up the next morning (Christmas Eve) he had texted me a bunch of long, very mean messages. I went to make coffee and got the kids settled and noticed his phone on the counter. He was still asleep. I grabbed it and looked through it trying to prove I wasn't crazy for having that feeling. At first I didn't see anything. Then I went to the trash folder. Tons of porn. Some pictures that looked personal (from text messages, not google). Pics of his own dick at work it appears. (He works in apartment maintenance). But the biggest surprise was a pic of a guy that looks familiar to me holding his own dick. I know the face from WH but cannot remember the name. I know ive seen him and believe WH worked with him at some point. I took pictures with my phone of everything and composed myself. By this point he's awake missing his phone. I handed it to him and told him we would talk later and didnt say anythingelse about it all day.
Yesterday was SO HARD for me. We had family to visit. Kids to get excited for Christmas. Santa to play after they finally fell asleep at 2 am. I did inside stuff and WH put a trampoline up so that gave us space which i personally needed. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally and mentally. My eyes were swollen from crying the night before and I know my family noticed. But I made it through yesterday with a smile on my face. The kids were extremely excited today. And I kept it together today as well. He has been just acting like everything is normal until he tries to be affectionate and I politely reject. Then he blew up today and punched a hole in our door. He's been texting horrible things to me all day. I've been doing my best not to engage. He's not given any explanation about the puctures. Says those are 'old' and some bs excuse about how when he logged into his drive on his new phone they uploaded so he deleted. That's a lie and I know that. But he still hasn't explained who the naked people are and why he would have them. Why they're there (especially the guy penis pic and the girl chest text) even if that drive story were true. We have been married 11 years. 5 children ranging from 10 to 3. I'm so angry. So hurt. And just numb at the same time.
Not asking for advice really just needed to vent and boy did that feel good even if no one reads it. There are definitely bigger issues going on besides the infidelity. But does anyone else have experience with WS having extreme rage aginst you for no known reasons and later you discover the affair or naked pics of other peoplelike i did?? Regardless I know that change must happen in my marriage. Christmas should look different. I was able to distract my kids and avoid them seeing most of everything going on but I know they can sense something is off.
If you read this far thank you so much. That helps tremendously. And I'm sorry you are here but am so glad to have this community. Also I apologize for any typos. Doing this from my phone and I have big thumbs.
315 comments posted: Tuesday, December 27th, 2022
